


The Mask

by Blue_wire13



Series: The Boy Who Deserved Better [1]
Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Drinking, France - Freeform, French Laurent and Nicaise, M/M, Modern AU, Nicaise centric, Past Sexual Abuse, Smoking, brief mentions of past abuse, laurent and Damen save Nicaise, nicaise recovering, vacation to France
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 08:54:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7884730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_wire13/pseuds/Blue_wire13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nicaise has been looking forward to this vacation for months. Now that it's finally here however, one thing becomes blatantly obvious. They have a tag along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Guest

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys this is my first work for CP and I have wanted to write for the fandom for a very long time but I finally got the courage. This is for Day 7- au of CapriWeek2k16. Hope you enjoy!-
> 
> [ Nicaise's backpack ](http://www.fjallraven.us/products/kanken-backpack?variant=1283740356)

Nicaise sat on a swing. The local park was deserted. He gently swayed back and forth, the night stars shining overhead. He knew it's dangerous to be out this late but he couldn't bring himself to care. The luminous pinpricks in the sky were slightly dulled from the light pollution of the city around him. He cursed himself silently for packing away his denim jacket. The thin black t-shirt he had on didn't protect him from the cool night air. His backpack was all he had with him. It'd been with him everywhere.

His phone vibrated in his pocket of his skinny jeans, loudly buzzing against the plastic of the swings seat.

Laurent: Where are you?

Nicaise: Old park.

Laurent: On my way.

He shoved his phone back in his pocket and held back a sigh. Laurent had just finished his senior year in college. It was out of state, in Oregon, but not too far from where they lived in Seattle Washington. This past year while Laurent was gone had been particularly difficult. He knew what their uncle did to Laurent, it seemed he was at that age Laurent used to be at.

Laurent and Auguste's mother died and when their father remarried Nicasie's mother, Laurent wasn't thrilled. Despite making their new mother's life hell, Laurent loved Nicaise the minute he was born. He and Laurent were seven years apart. After the car crash that took Auguste and their parents life, that's when the hell began for them. Laurent had had it worse than him though, he knew. He was too young to remember Auguste.

A jeep pulled up to the curb and Nicaise put on his mask. His mask of indifference. He wasn't physically dangerous, all slender limbs, but he was prepared to defend himself with the venom of his mouth. While growing up, Laurent had taught him to spit poison.

What he wasn't prepared for was to see Laurent get out of the passenger side. He'd know that blonde hair anywhere. He almost let his mask fall, but out of the drivers side came a man. He was tan and dark locks fell around his face disheveledly. 'Handsome.' Nicaise appraised, 'but huge.' He frowned. 'Stranger.' The voice in his head whispered. He wasn't sure if it was his voice or sometimes Laurent's. He knew how to handle new people though.

"Who's the barbarian?"

"This is Damen." Laurent replied smoothly.

The man, Damen, had at least the decency to look slightly offended. "I can see the resemblance." He smiled politely at Nicaise. He squinted back.

"I didn't think it would be able to talk." He was waiting for Laurent to intervene. To ask him to play nice. "Usually speaking requires a certain level of intelligence."

"We're here to pick you up. Damen was even nice enough to drive."

That last sentence was enough to let him know Laurent's warning. He was putting up an invisible barrier around Damen and it screamed 'do not touch'. He wouldn't be a good brother if he didn't push though.

"Where's your things?"

"Bushes near the front yard." He answered flatly, forcing his voice to give nothing away of the struggle he had earlier.

Laurent didn't ask about the strange place, and surprisingly, neither did Damen. Nicaise had been looking forward to this vacation since Laurent called to tell him about it months ago. They would be going to France for the whole summer, maybe with some side trips throughout. Laurent had a friend in Germany named Vannes.

Laurent and Nicaise's father was French, having grown up in Lyon, and therefore they knew the language. They had no remaining family there however. His suitcase had been packed days in advance in anticipation and he had hidden it outside while their uncle was at work. His uncle was aware of the vacation but that didn't mean he wouldn't change his mind in a spontaneous act of cruelty.

They climbed into the jeep and drove the short distance down the street to their uncles house. The lights were off.

"Damen." Laurent said it softly, tenderly. In the voice he used for Nicaise, the one Nicaise knew he used to use for Auguste. Damen got out and searched the bushes for the suitcase. Nicaise held back a laugh when Damen let out a particularly loud curse when he tripped. His things were piled into the back and he waited for Damen to get into the car before asking Laurent his question.

"So is this friend coming along with us?"

"Yes." Laurent gave him nothing.

"Are you together?" He already knew the answer from Laurent's behavior. Laurent wasn't this comfortable with anyone. He still wanted to hear it aloud.

To Nicaise's astonishment, Damen answered. "We are. For a few months actually." There was no animosity in his voice. Nicaise stared warily but Damen just smiled back at him before averting his eyes back to the road. He twirled the information in his brain.

His eyes felt heavy but he refused to fall asleep. Seattle airport came into view. It was midnight and he was leaning on Laurent throughout customs. He was glad to check in his suitcase and get rid of it. Their flight took off at 2:00 am and it was 12:30.

"Damen could you get us some food?" Laurent handed him money and shot him a look to make him know he was telling, not asking.

"Sure." Damen smiled.

'Always smiling.' Nicaise thought.

When Damen headed for the nearest Starbucks, Laurent leaned over immediately.

"Tonight?" The unspoken question hung in the air between them.  
"He got home from work," his mask cracked, "and my suitcase was already hidden," crack, "he took me for an hour before I could run to the park...it's getting worse." His mask slipped off. He felt tears threatening to fall and he willed them back. Laurent grabbed his chin between two delicate fingers.

"No crying. Uncle wins if you cry." He said it in a matter of fact voice but Nicaise knew that was just Laurent. They'd made it into a game when they were younger. Beat uncle and you win the prize. They'd never decided on a prize. Laurent could always dismantle and reassemble Nicaise's mask with little to no effort. He always knew where to press, where to glue. How to make the fissures and cracks go seamlessly back together. Where to tap so it all fell apart.

"A caramel frappe and a black coffee. I'm sorry, I didn't know what Nicaise likes so I just got you something sweet." He set the coffees down and Nicaise put his mask on again. They sat with Damen across them in the hard airport seats. Nicaise rested his head on Laurent's shoulder while he sipped his drink. Too sweet for his taste but still satisfying. Thick caramel rested on his tongue and he rolled the liquid in his mouth. He put on his innocent expression.

He watched people bustling by, entertained by the fact that he wasn't the only one still awake and moving at the ungodly hour.

"You can sleep." Laurent murmured in his ear, pushing his nose into his soft brown hair. Nicaise was aware of Damen's eyes on them. The fascination and the adoration that was held in the brown irises as he looked at Laurent.

He glared at Laurent, knowing he would deduce the answer.

"I'm not going to tell you to trust him because that should be something people earn from you over time. But I am going to tell you he has my trust."

Nicaise stopped himself from widening his eyes in surprise but Laurent didn't miss the twitch of muscles. Soft lips pressed to his temple. He allowed himself to close his eyes.

"Nicaise." He woke up to Laurent softly calling his name. "We're boarding."

He made a vow to not fall asleep again. The one and a half hours was enough. He couldn't let his guard down.

"I want to go to the restroom first." He hadn't been home since he ran out the door earlier in the afternoon and he felt gross. Luckily he had packed a spare pair of underwear in his backpack. That pack had been through hell and back with him. He found he relied more on objects than people.

"Damen needs to go too. Go with him." Laurent instructed.

"I want to go with you." Nicaise's tone may have seemed childish to others but to he and Laurent it meant pleading.

"No I'll wait here." Laurent's voice held finality and Nicaise narrowed his eyes in anger. His brother was trying to get him to bond with Damen. Or torture him. He knew how much Nicasie needed him right now.

"Fine." He stormed off and didn't look back to know Damen was following. He reminded Nicaise of a lost puppy.

Once in the bathroom he ignored the look Damen threw him and stormed into the handicap stall. He needed room. Unlacing his boots, he cursed as he balanced his feet on the toes of his shoes in favor of stepping on the gross tile of the bathroom. He took off his pants and switched his underwear, cleaning himself as best as he could. Once dressed again he peered out of the stall before throwing his old underwear in the trash. He didn't want them anymore. Didn't care. Damen was waiting outside for him.

He didn't ask any questions but Nicaise could feel them hanging in the air as they walked back to the gate. If he was dating Laurent though, he must be used to not asking questions or receiving answers.

They quickly boarded and sat down. Laurent took the window seat and Damen offered to take the middle, since consequently it was the worst, but Nicaise took it. He didn't want Damen fawning over Laurent the whole ten hours. Plus it was fun to watch Laurent's eyebrow twitch. It was so subtle no one ever noticed it but him. Damen took the aisle, left to suffer the grueling fate of being passed by the stewardesses and passengers the whole flight. Nicaise hated the aisle.

Remembering his vow to stay awake he fiddled with the small tv on the headrest in front of him. That was the only benefit to long flights like this one. Laurent had pulled out a book, big surprise there. Damen seemed to be looking for an action movie. Nicaise just turned off his screen. He put his earbuds in and scrolled through the vast music library on his phone. He wasn't in the mood for his upbeat electronic, maybe something softer. He put acid rain on by lorn. Pleased with his choice, he trained his gaze on the seat in front of him. At the four hour mark he had broken his vow to himself and fallen asleep.

"Be a good boy." Uncle hovered over him. He could feel hands pushing him down. He'd just known today would end like this. He'd had a bad feeling when he woke up, like how you can sometimes sense earthquakes.

But then he was being pushed harder than before. His face pressed to the floor he kept in a scream. Whenever he was loud it always made uncle even more angry. His heart pounded in his chest. 'Get out. Get out.' He was certain now the voice in his head was Laurent. A hand pressed to his inner thigh and this time he couldn't hold back his whimper. Tears flowed freely and it hit the point where he no longer cared. Seemed he didn't care about a lot of things. He felt hands begin to tug at the waistband of his jeans. A knee was pressed into his left leg, keeping him from moving. 'Why him. Why did the universe hate him.'

He jolted awake. The loud humming of the planes engine drowned out most of the snores of the many passengers. His earbuds had fallen out. 'A dream.' It was only a dream. Or more likely, a flashback. The hand on his thigh had felt so real though. He could feel the warmth seeping into his skin. That's when he realized Damen was leaning over him, pulling Laurent's table down and passing him water and snacks. A single tear left a trail down his face but he couldn't wipe it away. Damen was still hovering over him. He trained his expression, put on his mask. Steeled his blue eyes from being widened and fearful into being emotionless and maybe even a hint of playful. No, that was the wrong word. Trained them into being deadly. Like he knew a secret you didn't even know about yourself. 'Looks that could kill.' He ignored the tear.

"Coping a feel?"

He felt Damen start against him. The hand was removed at once. "Ah sorry. I didn't realize I woke you up." He looked apologetic enough but Nicaise wasn't prepared to let him off the hook that easily. Dreams like that always made him feel particularly vindictive when he woke up. He didn't miss how Damen's eyes flicked to the trail of salt water on his cheek. 'Bad word choice.'

"Prefer them unconscious then?"

"N-no." Damen's stutter made Nicaise cheer internally. Damen may be used to Laurent's venom, but Nicaise learned fast from his older brother and he put a different kind of spin on his poison. Laurent was cool, calm, ice. Nicaise was acidic, spiteful, and fiery.

"I'm sorry I just needed to reach for a moment. I wasn't aware of where my hand landed." Damen was blushing at this point, visible even in the dark lighting of the plane and the bronze of his skin. Laurent slept on next to them. Nicaise only guessed Laurent was sleeping, it seemed he would have come to Damen's aid if he were conscious.

Nicaise looked like a cat bored with taunting the mouse. He turned away from Damen toward the window, signifying their conversation as over. He started when Damen spoke again.

"You're just like him. It took me months to get him to say something even remotely nice to me. I'll just have to earn your trust too." He paused, and then as if he didn't just have that conversation, he spoke again. "What kind of music do you like? I noticed you fell asleep with music in. That's a special talent."

Nicaise glared and then decided that wasn't going to be enough to wipe the smile off of Damen's face. "Indie, electronic, etc."

"Did you just say etc?" Damen's smile widened.

"Liberté d'expression, fils de pute." Nicaise spat. He was tired of these games. Usually he took enjoyment out of toying with others, ruining their lives like how the world had ruined his. Life wasn't fair and he wanted to rub that fact in their faces. But Damen wasn't fun to toy with. He had no real outward reaction. He just kept smiling. Nicaise kept waiting for him to push him away, like the others, but Damen just tried to hold him closer. Eventually everyone got tired of him though. Everyone but Laurent.

"Now that wasn't very nice."

Laurent was up.

"Oh how nice of the Prince to join us." Nicaise turned. He wanted Laurent to feel guilty for not helping him in the bathroom earlier. He knew Laurent was never guilty though. Another lesson his older brother taught him. Never be sorry.

"Well I figured I would stop you before you eviscerated my boyfriend."

"It was French?" Damen asked cluelessly.

"No I was speaking the dead language. Only pretty people can speak it."

"He called you a son of a bitch." Laurent laughed quietly and that made Nicaise stop. Laurent never really laughed in front of others.

Damen just smiled and looked down into his lap sheepishly. "I got you some water and snacks if you guys want them." He began to eat his food and Nicaise looked over at Laurent's table to review the options.

He picked up a chocolate bar and examined it. "I want rosé."

"You can't have wine until we're back home in France. These stewardesses are American."

Home.

He pouted but ate the chocolate anyway, making sure to keep his elbows tucked away from Damen and body contact as limited as possible. He wasn't quite sure how he fell back asleep again.

When he woke again only two hours remained on the flight. His head was resting on Laurent again and Laurent's head was resting on his. Like a team. They've always been a team. Damen slept next to them. He just wanted the flight to be over. He was done with the planes humming, the stale air. He was done with being cramped into a too small seat, even for his slender frame.

"You know I'll save you..." Laurent whispered into Nicaise's hair. Most people would have tagged a 'right?' onto the end of that phrase. Laurent never questioned himself though.

He reached up to Laurent's chest, winding his fingers into the fabric of Laurent's jacket. The position was slightly awkward, with their heads resting on each other and Nicaise grounding himself through his fingertips. No one complained though.

"We didn't get there fast enough." Laurent murmured. The regret permeated his words. Maybe he felt sorry, just this once.

"Not everyone is capable of being saved." He hid his own wince at his harsh tone. This was Laurent's way of apologizing for the earlier bathroom incident, he knew. He didn't have to be this cruel but he couldn't help the lingering bitterness he felt.

"Nicaise DeVere admits to being average. I knew it all along, I'm always right."

He smiled at this. All was forgiven between them. Nicaise didn't notice Damen staring fondly this time.

-

He awoke to Laurent nudging him and the incessant humming from the plane gone. People were hurriedly taking their bags down from over head compartments and Damen was grabbing Nicaise's backpack for him from underneath the seat.

"Fajal what?" Damen handed Nicaise his backpack, fumbling over the lettering on the logo. He was trying to be nice, start conversation.

"It's Swedish." He nudged Damen to go, he was ready to get off the plane and he wasn't in the mood to explain his backpack to anyone.

Once out of the plane they were rushed through security. Lyon-Saint-Exupéry airport was large but they found their way. Dragging their suitcases behind them they hailed a taxi and Laurent gave the man their address. They rented an apartment for the summer in the heart of Lyon. It was cheaper and easier than a hotel.

They drove through the city and Nicaise kept his eyes open. He was tired but he didn't want to miss anything. He hadn't been here in a long time. So long ago he barely remembers. He was young. Nine. Laurent was sixteen. The deeper into the city they went the older the buildings got until they reached their stoney apartment building. Lugging their suitcases across the cobblestone they made their way inside.

"On the third floor." Laurent herded them toward the old elevator. Nicaise wouldn't be surprised if they got stuck in it. It took some fumbling but they finally got into the apartment. It was only one room with the kitchen, bedroom, and living space connected. Only the bathroom was separated and there was only the one.

"The couch can fold out into a bed. Unpack your things and don't break anything." Laurent said.

Damen began unpacking he and Laurent's things while Nicaise opted to explore. The bed was king size, nestled into the corner of the apartment. The kitchen was fairly modern and very European. No dishwasher and no dryer. Only a washer and even that was a luxury. All in all it was modest and quaint but it would definitely do for the summer. Their building was even lucky enough to have air conditioning. A rarity in some parts of France. A small balcony overlooked the city and even though the view was of the neighboring building and the street below, Nicaise found it stunning. Old stone met with modern street lights and cars. Europe was like a clash of the eras.

"I'm going to go get us some food. Stay here. Don't leave without Damen." Laurent's instructions were precise. He knew Nicaise wouldn't go anywhere with Damen. Therefore the instructions were clear: stay inside. He strode out and Damen stood awkwardly in the center of the space.

"Um, I'm going to take a shower. Don't go anywhere or Laurent will kill me."

He watched out of the corner of his eye as Damen got a towel from his suitcase and a bag of toiletries, heading for the bathroom. He was lucky this time, Nicaise didn't feel like going anywhere. He was tired from all the traveling. He sat back onto the couch and began to set up his phone so it could work internationally. He dozed off again.

"No. No! Laurent! Help me!" He was being held down. Again. Why was it always him? Laurent was walking away. His back turned. Not even a glance spared behind him. Maybe he couldn't understand? "M'aidez. M'aidez!"

He shot his eyes open and ocean blue met brown. Damen looked worried, his hair plastered to his face and shoulders with water. Only a towel was wrapped around his waist.

"Nicaise? You were yelling in your sleep."

Instead of answering, Nicaise squirmed and fidgeted under Damen. He wanted out. Now.

"Sorry." Damen looked sheepish again as he got up, unboxing Nicaise.

Damen, figuring he wouldn't get answers, grabbed clean clothes to sleep in and went back into the bathroom. He picked up his phone from the charger and went onto google. 'Mayday'. He typed the word into google. It's what Nicaise was saying. It sounded like what the pilots in the old World War Two movies used to yell when they were crashing. The movies he and Nikandros used to watch when they were younger.

The results came up with French correlations and correct spelling. 'M'aidez' translated to help me. All pilots were instructed internationally to use this as the code for when they needed assistance. Even if a German pilot was pulling into a American airport, this was the code. 'Fun fact.' Damen thought. Though the circumstances he had found this out weren't so fun.

Nicaise stood awkwardly in the living space. He didn't know what to do without Laurent. He gravitated toward the couch and flipped on the tv. The news was on and he listened with half interest as the man went on about the French workers strike. Laurent walked in and set pizza on the small table in front of the tv.

"Pizza?" Damen smirked, coming out of the steamy bathroom. He was now sporting sleepwear.

"Well it was the only thing I could order quickly. If you would prefer, I could allow you to eat the garbage I passed by down the street."

Damen laughed at this and sat down on the couch next to Laurent, opening the box and grabbing a slice.

"Stay awake for one more hour and tomorrow your jet lag won't be so bad. You have to adjust quickly." Nicaise was about to quip that this wasn't the first time he traveled here but then he noticed Laurent was looking at Damen and not him.

He forced himself to eat a slice of pizza but he was nervous. He hid it with rude jabs all throughout dinner and spiteful comments. Most of them directed toward Damen of course. He didn't want to sleep. Didn't want the darkness and the dreams to find him. They just lazed on the couch once the food was done and Damen and Laurent cleaned up. Laurent took a shower and got dressed for sleep but Nicaise still sat immobile on the couch.

"Must I do everything for you? Get ready for bed." Laurent chided, moving to the bathroom once more for his nightly routine. Nicaise moved to his suitcase, pulling out fresh clothes. Why was basic life so hard?

"I can close my eyes if you'd like." Damen piped up from the bed. He had one of Laurent's books perched on his chest, but he only seemed to be a few pages into it. Nicaise hid his surprise at Damen's comment. He was more perceptive than he looked.

When he didn't speak, Damen spoke again. "I know I make you uncomfortable. I can even leave the apartment for a bit while you change."

"I'm perfectly competent." The words forced their way out his lips before he wanted them too. He hadn't gotten enough time to build up his voice to sound angry. The last word had his voice slightly wavering. He turned from Damen so he couldn't see him.

Peeling off his shirt, he forced himself to go at a natural pace. He wasn't sure if Damen was staring or not but at this point he didn't care, he just wanted to be done. When he changed his pants he winced. Bending that way just hurt. He would ask Laurent how to fix that later. As he was pulling the other leg to his pants on, Laurent stepped out of the bathroom. He could feel blue eyes boring into him.

"Damen, what in gods name are you doing?" Laurent knew what he was doing, but Nicasie couldn't see and he wanted to be sure he knew.

"I'm closing my eyes and counting the stars."

"Nevermind the fact that you can't even see the stars." Laurent reminded.

Nicaise just scoffed lightly and moved to the couch. Damen was immediately on his feet to help. He moved the table and together they unfolded the couch, setting up blankets and pillows onto it. They finished quickly together and Damen stood by Nicaise before awkwardly turning to go back to the sanctity of the bed.

"I don't like you." Nicaise announced. He wanted to test Damen's response.

"We'll just have to change that then."

"Go to sleep Nicaise." Laurent said as he turned off the lights and climbed into the bed after Damen. Nicaise looked away, burrowing his face into the covers.

'Please don't let the nightmares come.' He said silently in his head. He wasn't praying, Nicaise had long given up on the idea of a god. Maybe there was a god out there, but he was sure that God didn't care for them.

 


	2. Smoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you so much for all the amazing comments they mean the world to me! That being said I want to warn you guys now this fic may get dark. I plan on delving into some hard topics that come up in CP and relieving some of my own personal problems through the writing of this so I want to stress that this fic will be fun and fluffy at times but also will take dark turns at some points.

"-aise! Nicaise! Wake up!" He was being shaken awake. His eyes snapped open to reveal Laurent hovering over him and Damen sitting up in their bed, looking very worried. His chest was slick with sweat and he felt overheated. The sheets were tangled around his legs. He didn't even realize he was breathing heavily until the room fell silent and it was the only sound that could be heard. He could only recall sensations from the dream this time, not images, and he didn't know if that was better or worse.

Laurent pulled him into his chest and Nicaise stayed their for a moment before pulling away. Laurent schooled his expression into neutrality but Nicaise saw the way he hurt him. 'Don't appear weak.'

"I'm fine."

Laurent whispered in his hair. "You're not. You're broken. But I'll tell you a secret." He paused. "I'm..broken too. Uncle took us and he broke us like toys." His words may have seemed harsh to others but that's why Laurent whispered them into his hair. Only they could understand the delicate language of twists, lies, and metaphors. The language hidden beneath.

Laurent pressed against him. His limbs stopped shaking. He didn't realize they were even shaking until the final tremors left his limbs. The apartment was dark save for a lamp lit on the bedside table. Damen waited quietly. Laurent rose and opened the curtains, letting the soft morning light filter in. The sun hadn't risen fully and pale blue light fell over them like a shroud. Despite it being early morning, the city lived on and people could be seen running into the underground subways and cycling to work.

"We can just walk around the city today, eat at a cafe for lunch, just relax. I'm sorry to inform you Damen but the day Nicaise and I act like tourists here is the day I castrate you."

"Wouldn't want that." Damen lazily smiled, standing and moving to the bathroom.

So easy. So domestic. How quickly Laurent and Damen took the moment and turned it. Like a light switch.

They got ready slow, having lots of time since the sun hadn't risen yet. Nicaise hopped in the shower letting the warm water wash over him. His brown hair turned almost black as water pushed it back.

Steam curled around the mirror once he stepped out. His reflection was blurred and he wiped away the condensation to reveal blue eyes and down turned lips. His pale skin glistened with drops of moisture and he grabbed Laurent's towel left from last night to dry off. He turned to look at his back and his gaze landed on the large bruise on his left shoulder blade. It curled up over the top of his shoulder, just missing going up his neck. His uncle gave it to him when he held him down.

The purple finger marks gave way to an angry red on the edges, marring Nicaise's pale skin. He promptly looked away, his frown deepening. He had brought his change of clothes into the bathroom and he quickly dressed, throwing on his jeans and boots. He quickly made sure his loose tank top covered the bruise and then he tied a green flannel around his waist. It used to be Auguste's flannel but Laurent kept it. It had been Laurent's parting gift to Nicaise when he left for college.

The sun had risen when he walked out of the bathroom and Damen and Laurent were dressed and drinking coffee. It was store bought from the cafe down the street and Nicaise took two steps into the room before a cup was passed his way.

"We need to go shopping today. New sheets, groceries, general house things. I am not using the sheets the former tenants left here again." Laurent said matter of factly. Nicaise unzipped his suitcase and pulled out his denim jacket. It had loose sleeves and he brought it with him everywhere. Throwing it on he felt less exposed. The inside pockets allowed him to keep his phone in a safe place. Pickpockets thrived in the subways of France.

As if reading his mind, Laurent spoke. "Damen find somewhere to put your things or you will find all your shit gone and I won't feel bad."

Damen put his phone and wallet into his shorts pocket and Nicaise snorted. "Well hopefully the thieves will be deterred by his horrible fashion sense."

"Hey shorts and a shirt...you can never go wrong." Laurent wrinkled his nose.

"I'm not commenting." He walked out, grabbing the keys and his phone on the way out.

Once outside Laurent just headed for the subway and Nicaise followed. Laurent stuck his card into the machine and they bought cards for the month.

"Don't lose this. I'm not buying another one." Laurent said as he handed it to Damen.

"You just...tap it?" Damen asked.

"Yes idiot." Nicaise scoffed, pushing past Damen to the machine that blocked the entrance into the underground. He tapped his card and the doors turned green, sliding open for him. Laurent quickly followed. Damen managed to get through but narrowly avoided running into the sliding doors. The timing was something you had to get used to until you could be like every other Lyonnias. Tap. Walk. Go. Tap. Walk. Go. Damen's looked more like: Tap. Stutter step. Stop. Go. It was entertaining.

"Once you get really good at it sometimes you don't have to pay." Nicaise laughed as they waited for the next subway.

"I bought you a card don't let me catch you sneaking in here. Don't let the police catch you."

"You can sneak in?"

"Last time I was here our uncle wouldn't pay for us to have cards and Laurent and I got tired of buying the hourly passes so you buy one pass and then have two people sprint through the open door." Nicaise smiled fondly at the memory of running like hoodlums through the French tunnels.

"The only problem is if they have cops check tickets at the exit you're fucked."

"We outran the cops last time."

"Barely." Laurent huffed.

The subway pulled to a halt in front of them with a rush of air.

"We're at Gratte-Ciel right now. We need to get off at Foch to be in downtown and we can walk around for a bit before heading back on to hop lines and end up at Part-Dieu. Then we can go shopping."

"Backup. Fuck?"

"Foch. It's a stop in downtown. Forget your shitty English words."

"Fuck. Foch. Fuck. Foch. Difference." Nicaise spat, letting his French accent come through. He and Laurent could speak perfect French of course.

"Yes so if you get lost just head to Part-Dieu. I highly doubt you could get lost though."

"He's an invalid Laurent. Anything is possible."

"I don't think you've said one nice thing to me." The statement wasn't a harsh one and Damen said it with a light tone, but Nicaise still scoffed at the retort.

The subway was hot, air conditioning not always fully functioning in the dead of summer. A few looks were shot at them at the English but Laurent and Nicaise's stone cold glares were enough to have even the French commuters averting their eyes. All the seats were taken, as it was morning rush, so Laurent and Nicaise held onto the pole in the center of the car while Damen held onto the overhead strap. He was tall enough so that his arm wasn't uncomfortable.

The subway started with a lurch and Damen shifted, falling slightly into Nicaise. Blue eyes went wide but he managed to hold his ground and keep Damen up and away from other Frenchmen.

"Jesus Christ gain your legs already."

"Sorry." Damen stood upright again. "I'm not used to public transportation. Everyone should have a car."

"Environment killer."

"I would pay to see that again." Laurent laughed.

"Not funny."

"Oh but both of your faces were priceless. Damen's was startled disbelief that the world could've wronged him with the concept of gravity and Nicaise looked downright murderous at the extra weight."

After three grueling stops where Damen flailed helplessly, they finally arrived at Foch.

Exiting the subway, the bright morning sun greeted them. The rush was ending and city life was settling around them for another day. They weaved on the stone streets to a cafe Laurent went to often. It was right by the center square of the city. Taking seats in wrought iron chairs, Nicaise finally allowed himself to relax. He tucked his backpack below his feet and let out a slight sigh.

"What time is it?"

"It's 9 am." Nicaise replied curtly.

"Good enough to drink?" Damen asked hopefully.

"I'm not your mother." Nicaise smiled at this. He was worried Laurent would be soft on Damen due to their relationship but it appeared he was still willing to use his poison.

"Bonjour. Qu'est-ce tu veux?" The waitress waited, pen in hand.

"Deux crêpes s'il te plait et...." Laurent trailed off, looking at Damen. "What do you want?"

"Uhhhh...just a drink is fine. What kind do they have?"

"Qu'est-ce vous avez des boissons?" Laurent asked.

The waitress startled for a moment at the English but then smiled. "De l'eau, du coca, du jus de pomme, du jus d'orange, ju-"

Laurent cut her off. "Alcoolique."

She grimaced then the way many French do when displeased. It was a particular expression that was distinct and very hilarious when known about. "Ah oui. Du vine, bière -"

"Bière. Deux Monaco."

"D'accord."

"Merci."

"Whoa." Damen smiled. "Wanna fill me in. I'm a bit lost."

"I got Nicaise and I crepes and I got you and Nicaise Monaco beers."

"Wait how old are you?" Damen asked, looking at Nicaise.

"Fourteen." He dead panned. American ideals and cultural views were trash when it came to drinking.

"The waitress doesn't even ask for ID? I thought the drinking age was eighteen here?"

"It's eighteen but no one cares. Monaco's are harmless anyway. It's beer and grenadine so it's sweet." Laurent waved away Damen's concern.

Nicaise sat silent as Damen and Laurent filled the space with jabs at passerby. He was contemplating Damen. He seemed to know a lot about Laurent. Knew he didn't drink. Knew he didn't like questions. Knew not to box Laurent in or force him. That drew his mind to what Damen knew about him. What had Laurent told him? That made him bristle with fear and also slight anger. Damen now had ammunition against Nicaise.

The waitress appeared with their food and an ashtray. The small metal bowl sat at the end of the table and Nicaise itched. He got up and Laurent didn't give him a second glance. He caught Damen's words though before he was out of earshot.

"Where's he going?"

He didn't catch Laurent's reply.

Liquor stores are clearly labeled along with pharmacies in France and Nicaise only had to go two blocks before he came to what he wanted. Walking into the cramped store he waltzed to the counter.

"Deux cigarettes avec menthe."

The man wordlessly handed over the green packs and Nicaise threw in a blue lighter. Paying quickly he exited the shop and immediately lit up. He was definitely too young for this but it was France and he counted himself a special circumstance. He'd picked up the habit only a year ago but in the US it was infinitely harder to gain cigarettes. Nicaise had sweet talked more than one perv outside of a liquor store into buying him things. He did it so infrequently though that it wasn't a problem. One pack could last him two months.

Laurent wasn't fazed by his approach but Damen balked. He offered a cigarette pack to Laurent and lit one for him before taking his seat. "He smokes?"

"He's not a child. Maturity is based off of experience not age. We just happen to have had more experience than average."

"It's still bad for him. I tolerate it with you but you're an adult."

"Tolerate."

Damen realized his mistake and backpedaled. "I just meant I don't like it, but I understand you need it."

"Maybe Nicaise needs it too."

No one brought up the nicotine. The cigarettes weren't needed for that. They meant something more to the brothers.

For a moment Nicaise was back on the roof of their uncles house, sitting outside of his window. It's how he often snuck out. The only downside was Laurent's room was right next to his and he caught him regularly. He remembered the first night last year. Laurent was home on Christmas break.

"If you're going to sit out here at least bring a blanket or you'll freeze." Laurent chastised as he crawled out of his own window. Nicaise didn't bother to hide the cigarette. Laurent smoked so why couldn't he?

"New habit?"

"More like none of your business." Nicaise spat. He took a drag and resisted coughing. This was his first time ever smoking but he wasn't about to let Laurent know that.

"Don't inhale. Keep the smoke in your mouth. Hurts your lungs less." Laurent advised with a sly smirk.

"You won't take them?"

"Well does it help you?"

"Yes."

Laurent pulled out his own pack and lit a cigarette. "We're French. Don't smoke that shit." He said looking at the pack of Marlboro reds Nicaise had set next to him. Laurent had a green pack of camelback mint cigarettes imported from France. He regularly shipped over cartons. Nicaise got the message. Laurent wouldn't condone the habit but he wouldn't stop Nicaise either. He knew sometimes you had to settle for the lesser sin. Smoking eased the pain in a way nothing else could. It was almost like a slap to their uncles face.

They sat on the roof as often as they could after that.

He was brought back to the present by their waitress with their food and drinks. Unfazed by the cigarettes she set down their beers and crêpes. Damen took a sip of his Monaco, his face immediately scrunching up.

"So sweet. It's interesting."

"If you don't like it give it to Nicaise. I'm sure he'd gladly take it."

"No. No I like it." Damen smiled.

They finished after an hour of idle chat and simple basking. With Damen and Laurent's busy university schedules and Nicaise constantly stressing over his uncle, they all needed a peaceful moment.

Leisurely getting up, Laurent led the way back to the nearest subway entrance.

"Now we head to Part-Dieu. It's got a large mall right by it where we can get everything we need. Since it was the middle of the day the subways were now less crowded and they could all sit down with plenty of space.

By the time they were in the air conditioned mall, Nicaise was tired. He hadn't walked this much since he was last in France and back then he had more child like expendable energy. Plus he was more jet lagged than he would like to admit. A deep soreness had also settled between his legs but he didn't want to think about that.

A quick stop in one store bought them plain white bed sheets and towels. Then they moved on to food and groceries in another store. By the end of it they had more than enough to keep them to the end of the month but way too much to take the subways home in rush hour. Laurent called an uber instead.

"When are we going to eat dinner?" Damen asked innocently. Nicaise was tired from the long day and in a foul mood. Damen made himself such an easy target.

"It's Europe. We don't eat till the sun sets at 9 you barbarian."

Unfazed by the barbed words, Damen spoke. "Nicaise I thought we had passed the name calling stage?" He didn't use his voice's tone to make it a mocking question. It sounded rather genuine. That's what irked Nicaise more.

"And I thou-" Nicaise's eyes went wide as Laurent's hand clapped on his mouth from behind.

"Play nice brother." He released Nicaise and immediately the brunette boy ran. He vaulted over the back of the couch but he didn't get far before Laurent tackled him.

Awestruck, Damen just sat in stunned silence. Nicaise wormed his way out of Laurent's tight grasp to stand, only to be pulled back down to the floor. They lightly rolled and grappled, each trying to gain the upper hand before Laurent was flipped. He fell onto his back with a thud and allowed Nicaise to straddle him, pinning his arms down.

Damen, ready to breakup the fight, began to rush over, but stopped once he heard giggling. It sounded bubbly and light. Like a sound unworthy of his ears. It was Nicaise laughing. Laurent's joined his soon after and Damen felt tears prick the corners of his eyes but he couldn't fathom why. Oblivious to the lifelong game Nicaise and Laurent played, he was still moved by their pretend game. Always a game between them.

Damen had spent just over two days with the DeVere brothers and already he was exhausted at their antics and double words. His brain working on overtime. But this made it worth it. It reminded him of why he was fighting for them. He loved Laurent, and that meant loving his family too, the family Laurent chose.

Nicaise smiled down at Laurent, brown curls falling slightly into his eyes. His smile fell into a more sinister one. It was lifeless and devoid of joy. It was one of his many masks. "You promised you wouldn't leave me."

"I won't. I came back didn't I."

That appeased Nicaise. Laurent was unfazed by his masks now. He could chip them away or glue them together if he wished. He let Nicaise wear them for comfort though. Put him through tests like how Laurent put Damen through tests. It must run in the DeVere family. Laurent shook that thought from his head. Auguste wasn't like that.

Nicaise collapsed on top of his chest. "When you leave again I want something to remember you by." He paused. "Take me to get my ears pierced."

"I'm not leaving."

"Take me."

Laurent took in small breaths to not rattle Nicaise from his position. He would take him, but he never wanted them to be apart again.

"I'm not leaving."

This time, Nicaise believed him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and feedback are greatly appreciated!!


	3. Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys:) school is killing me along with my sports and AP's so updating schedule will be a mess plus I have a lot of other ongoing fics but I'm favoring this one right now so the next chapter will be up soon hopefully. Also I apologize for my messy chapter titles. They seem to have no theme or correlation but I just like them and how they sound.

Nicaise sat on the roof of their apartment building. The stars could been seen overhead but not nearly to the extent of clearly seeing a constellation or galaxy. Courtesy of the cities light pollution. Lyon was the second largest city in France next to Paris after all.

There was no railing at the top so Nicaise sat on the very edge, letting his legs dangle off. The rush in his gut let him know he was alive. Breathing.

Sometimes he forgot.

Nicaise had climbed to the roof after dinner when Damen and Laurent decided to watch whatever movie they came across on tv. He wasn't in the mood so he left, not bothering to let Laurent know when he would come back. Laurent knew he wouldn't stray too far.

He contemplated his ears as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. No doubt it was an easy task to find a place to pierce them. What it meant though, was more than any piece of jewelry. Something he could remember Laurent by, even though his older brother said he would never leave him again. Some way to defy his world.

Nicaise's hair swept slightly to the right so he supposed he could get his double piercing on his left ear and just one on his right. He wondered about the pain briefly but then dismissed it. He'd been through much worse. Plus Laurent had gotten his septum a while back and he said that hadn't hurt much. Laurent could only be found wearing his nose piercing some days though. He decided he was never going to take his earrings out once they were put in.

The thought of pain crept back into his mind and how much he's endured. It made him angry all over again. Why did the universe choose him to suffer? He flipped to his music in his phone and turned the volume up. Turning on Man Don't Care by JME he stood up.

Letting the music pierce the silent rooftop he shouted into the abyss. The traffic below and height of the building was enough to cushion his voice so no one below was disturbed. He screamed again in frustration. He was so angry but he couldn't pinpoint one thing to direct his anger at. He was just angry at life in general. At this realization his next scream of frustration turned to agony midway through. His voice cracked and he fell back to his knees.

'I'll bury a man two foot shallow, ain't got time to dig six feet deep.'

He rose again and kicked at the cemented roof, scattering little rocks. Sometimes it was good to be angry. To blame the world while no one was watching. Life isn't fair.

He picked up some type of metal box that looked like at one point it was important. He hurled it as far as he could with a cry. Next came the pipe that lay to his left. He flung it and it hit the entrance to the roof spinning.

'Nostradamus couldn't see me. Expelliarmus couldn't stop me.'

He ran to the edge of the building, stopping himself before he toppled over. He screamed as loud as he could and he could tell this one shout slightly echoed below. A girl who was walking by yelled up at him but the words were lost in the wind as she kept walking.

He fell back onto his butt, leaning his elbows on his knees. The harsh rap song came to a close and once again the rooftop was silent. The door creaked open and he figured Laurent had been waiting for him to finish so he could come and join him. Nicaise used to have fits like this when he was younger. Of course they've evolved slightly with age. He wasn't at all surprised when it was the blonde that plopped down next to him, getting into the same position as Nicaise albeit a bit more gracefully.

"Thought you were going to tear down the whole apartment."

"I'll tear down the world."

"Damen and I are already amidst that process. You can help us." Laurent's mouth twitched up at one end. That was his smile that said he had a plan he knew would beat them all. Their world was their uncle and they were going to destroy him and build anew.

"Help you and the barbarian?" He paused for effect. "Never." He turned away in a mock pout, hoping Laurent would call his bluff like he always did. How he always did when they were younger. Before he left.

"Not even for all the things in the world once we're done conquering it?"

Nicaise smiled, trying to trap Laurent in his words. "You and Damen wouldn't take all the spoils?"

"No, I just want Damen." And you was the ending Laurent didn't need to tag on.

"Fine. I'll take the whole world. I'll remake it so everything is fair."

"That's communism. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but it doesn't work out well. People are too selfish." Laurent smiled at this. They both loved history.

"Then I'll get rid of all the people. Only you can stay." And Damen was the message he didn't need to say aloud. It was becoming increasingly obvious that Damen made Laurent happy. Nicaise wouldn't risk taking that for the world. Laurent knew this. Laurent knew everything.

Their laughter rose into the air, floating up into the stars. Their eyes followed their laughter. "Look," Laurent pointed. "That's the Big Dipper." Nicaise thought he saw it, but then he didn't, but then he did.

"Mhm." He paused. "I'll take the stars too. The world and the stars. I'm just that good."

"Ever so humble."

A silence fell over them as they sat. It was comfortable. After a few minutes Laurent broke it again.

"Do you want to get your ears done tomorrow...well technically today since you decided a late night/early morning tantrum was in order."

"I want my double on the left and one on the right."

"Odd number."

"I like odd numbers. I beat the odds."

They both laughed at the bad pun.

-

Nicaise sat in the black leather chair in the tattoo shop. Laurent and the man were conferring in French but Nicaise tuned him out. He didn't want to admit he was nervous. Damen was standing off to the side looking more than a bit lost. This made Nicaise feel a bit better.

He watched without seeing as the piercer pulled on black plastic gloves and began to clean all the needles. Nicaise picked out two black earrings wordlessly and chose and identical but slightly smaller one for the second hole on his left ear.

His stomach was rolling.

"Just little pain." The man smiled at him, speaking in accented English. Nicaise held back his snarl from being thought of as only American. He couldn't upset the man that was about to take a needle to him though.

"Allez." (Hurry up) He couldn't hold back that snide comment but the man looked unfazed. It seems he was used to snappy customers.

Laurent came to stand by him and let his hand fall next to Nicaise's. He took it discreetly. Damen noticed but pretended not to, averting his eyes.

He held Laurent's hand loosely, relishing in the innocent touch. No one usually ever touched him innocently.

As the man marked the places for the holes he focused on his breathing.

In. Out. In. Out. In. Ow!

The man pushed the needle into his ear and then the earring. The searing pain was brief but the lingering heat stayed in his ear. He had no doubt that his pale skin was now red. It was the left side so the man pushed the second piercing in and Nicaise squeezed Laurent's hand. He hadn't realized he'd been doing it but once the man began to move to the right side he realized he was holding Laurent in a death grip.

By the time it was done his eyes were shut tight. He slowly opened them to see himself staring back in a mirror. The black jewelry looked harsh against his skin but he liked it. It was a change and made his boyish appearance enhanced but also in another way, offset. He couldn't describe it.

"Ça va?" The man asked.

"Oui." He managed to breathe out. Damen quickly paid with the money Laurent handed him while Laurent helped Nicaise stand.

"Nicaise."

He looked up at Laurent to see his brow creased and ice blue set with worry. He then realized his own eyes were wide and his ocean blue must look frightened but now he was anything but. He smiled.

"He doesn't own me anymore."

"Outlasted." Laurent whispered.

That was always their thing. Seeing who could win the game. Who could outlast the other. Nicaise had beaten his uncle in this battle.

-

Laurent smiled at Nicaise from across the table. They were at a cafe like yesterday but what was different today was the brothers' jewelry. Nicaise had his new earrings and Laurent had decided to put in his septum piercing in silent support of Nicaise. Both of them had gotten the piercings for similar reasons. Their uncle couldn't control them anymore.

The silver hoop Laurent sported brought out the ice blue in his eyes and contrasted to his flowing gold hair. They were stunning. Damen had been fawning over Laurent ever since that morning when Laurent had gotten ready.

"Tonight after dinner we can go to a hookah bar. They're popular here and we won't have trouble getting in." Laurent announced as he ate his pasta.

"We get mint flavor or I'm not going."

"Wouldn't dream of anything else." Laurent said flatly.

"They won't care?" Damen asked bewildered, looking pointedly at Nicaise.

"Well it's actually Ramadan right now so they could use the business. Many forgo smoking during Ramadan."

Damen frowned slightly into his food.

"Care about me?" Nicaise asked smugly. He didn't expect the reply he got, nor did he expect it so immediately.

"Yes."

That stunned him into silence but Laurent picked up the conversation, allowing Nicaise time to recover.

"Hurry up and eat I want to walk Damen around the city some more."

"I'm finished." Nicaise stated proudly, taking a bit too much enjoyment in watching Damen have to rush through his food.

-

They walked the narrow streets and Nicaise counted how many cigarette butts were lying on the floor. He lost track after thirty four. Laurent and Damen walked a few paces ahead while Laurent pointed different things like a tour guide, only this tour was more personal.

"And here is where Nicaise and I outran the cops."

Or:

"Auguste used to eat at that cafe for lunch everyday and get the same sandwich."

Damen held onto every word given to him and Nicaise watched with ever increasing interest. So far he couldn't see Damen's motives. Maybe he really did like Laurent. Love Laurent. But those were scary thoughts. Because the moment Nicaise thought them he knew that he had let his guard down. No one loved them. They only have each other. He bristled. That wasn't true. He just didn't want to admit it. He was so used to being alone.

While Laurent was pointing out a fountain to Damen, Nicaise pulled his boots off. He set them on the edge of the fountain and began to roll up his tight skinny jeans.

"Nicaise." Laurent started. "Don't you dare."

But it was too late. He needed to be reckless and it was hot and the water was calling him.

He stepped into the shallow pool and laughed as falling droplets pricked the water, bouncing up again to hit him.

"Dammit." Laurent complained but he too threw off his shoes and jumped in. People walking by gave them dirty looks but no one moved to stop them. Damen looked on in stunned horror.

"We don't bite." Laurent said.

Nicaise watched as the resistance drained out of Damen's face. But just as he was about to slip off his shoes a whistle sounded.

"Qu'est-ce tu fais?!" (What are you doing?!) A policeman was running toward them. His face was red and he was reaching for his baton on his hip.

"Run." Laurent and Nicaise said at the same time.

Nicaise grabbed his shoes and headed for the safe haven.

The subways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for that cliff hanger haha. Hope you enjoyed reading and as always feedback is very very welcome:)


	4. Odds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Wow. That is more like my normal updating schedule. I'm sorry for the wait (and on a cliffhanger!) but life and school majorly got in the way. Please enjoy though:)

Nicaise's backpack slapped against his back as he sprinted for the underground. Laurent and Damen had run the other direction but he knew Laurent would eventually end up in the subways. He only had one cop on him at the moment and he knew the chase wouldn't last long. The French police cared but they didn't care THAT much. It was just a quick fountain dip after all. He and Laurent had gotten away after much worse.

He saw a cop split after Laurent and Damen but he kept running full speed. Once down the steps he got lucky and squeezed through the doors after a French woman. He didn't have time to tap his card. The policeman got even more furious at him for not paying but he was more confident he could get away now. The hardest part was getting into the system without getting caught but now he was nearly home free and the entire French underground accessible to him by one sliding door.

He jumped through the car doors just as they were sliding shut and he breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn't quite out of the woods however. Police could be waiting at the next stop for him to get out. If they hadn't been notified someone was running, they would be. If he didn't get caught for that, they could check him for paying at the entrance and he didn't. People on the subway sent him odd looks as he tried to regain his breath from the sprint. He ignored them.

All too soon the metro began to slow to a stop. The doors slid open and he was running down the platform again.

"Arrête! Arrête!" (Stop)

Nicaise turned as he watched a cop on the other side of the platform chase down blonde hair. Laurent was too fast and leapt up the stairs and out of sight. Laurent hadn't spotted his brother.

Another policeman was starting toward Nicaise to question him and without hesitation the brunette leapt onto the tracks. People shouted behind him but he kept running to the other side.

He had to catch up to Laurent. Their odds were better together. 'I always beat the odds.' For some reason it was now imperative that he find Laurent. He needed him. Needed him like oxygen all of the sudden. However a problem was quickly discovered. He reached the other side but the cement platform came up past his head. He was too short to climb out.

Panic set in as headlights began to shine down the tunnel. Strong arms appeared around him, hauling him up backpack and all. He kicked and spewed profanities at the man who held him hostage. He felt his foot connect with a groin and a grunt let him know his boot had done some damage but the arms were unrelenting.

"Nique ta mère!" (Fuck your mother) "Putain." (Shit) He swore under his breath. "Qu'est-ce-" (What-) His words were cut off however when he noticed the arms around him belonged to Damen.

Of course. Damen was never far behind Laurent.

"Come on. Laurent said we can take the long way back to the apartment. He said you would know what that meant. He'll lose the police. Not very confident in the French polices' abilities is he?" Damen seemed unfazed by Nicaise's beating.

"They don't actually care." Nicaise rolled his eyes and ignored the onlookers, strolling through the subways. The working class had mostly ignored the slight commotion once they saw Nicaise was okay. They didn't want to stick their noses where they didn't belong. The policeman had most likely taken the long way around to get the them, having to exit then re enter the system to get to their side but Nicaise knew they would be long gone once he arrived.

The exited the subways and he bobbed and weaved through the crowd that was no doubt headed for the underground. Rush was about to start as everyone was just getting off of work. Damen kept falling behind, his larger frame and polite manner making it difficult for him to maneuver through people.

"Uh, pardon. Pardon." (Excuse me) Damen muttered as he walked through the crowd. His French accent was horrible and the few words he spoke often got him glares instead of a thanks. Nicaise gave up and rounded back for him.

He pulled out his phone and shot Laurent a text saying he and Damen would meet him at the hookah bar. He was too young when Laurent used to go but he still knew how to get there.

Nicaise: I'll take the barbarian to X2 tonight. We'll meet you there.

Laurent: I have to meet with a friend right now.

Nicaise didn't warrant that a reply, understanding Laurent wanted him to babysit Damen, and shoved his phone in the inside pocket of his denim jacket. Grabbing Damen by the wrist he tsked. Damen sputtered but Nicaise kept moving forward, pushing through people and throwing his slight shoulders into others.

"We're meeting Laurent later tonight." He pulled Damen along, spinning to avoid a man walking briskly and arguing on the phone.

"Is Laurent safe?"

"Yes you idiot."

He ducked into a small restaurant, pulling Damen behind him. Paul's sandwiches had always been one of Nicaise's favorites but for some reason it wasn't nearly as good in the UK. Luckily they weren't in London as they ordered their food to go. He quickly filled out the menu papers unique to the restaurant and all but threw them at the man behind the register. After a short ten minute wait Damen grabbed the bags and Nicaise was pulling him again, this time by his shirt.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere to pass the time and lie low."

He didn't offer more explanation as Damen still stumbled and ran into people. He didn't exactly know where he was going yet if they couldn't head back to the apartment but he knew he would think of something soon. Luckily the crowd was thinning as people made it to the subways and they got further out of the center of the city.

A large orange building with decorative iron siding came into view. It was the telltale sign of the smaller building that was next to it. A lightbulb went off in his head.

Radio Espace stood next to the orange building and the red sign glowed bright. They entered the radio tower quickly. A woman sat at the front desk and she looked prepared to stop them from entering but at a few words from Nicaise she let them pass. The only words Damen caught were Laurent's last name: DeVere.

At Damen's raised eyebrow in the elevator Nicaise offered some explanatory words.

"Our father used to work with a business partner here. Once he died Charles refused to work with anyone but him so my uncle couldn't take this company under his new rule."

"Charles? A man named Charles owns the largest radio tower in Lyon?"

"He helped us." Nicaise spit. He liked to spit at Damen often. He didn't feel like defending Charles anymore to Damen.

The elevator opened to a hallway. It looked vaguely like a hotel with dark wooden doors and hard flooring but only three doors lined the hall. One door lay cracked open and a small bathroom lie beyond it. Another appeared to be a coat room and the last door needed a keycard to enter.

Nicaise bypassed the doors and led Damen down the hall to the left where it opened up into a large living space. It was decorated in a modern style with a few black couches lining the wall. Most of the space was empty however and Damen suspected that was for room to have parties and dance. The entire back two walls were lined with windows and sliding glass doors. They went out the doors to the rooftop where tables and chairs lined a crystalline pool. There was no railing and the city lay sprawled beneath them.

Nicaise smirked as Damen's jaw dropped.

"There's a pool on the roof of the radio tower?"

"Charles used to let Laurent and I come up here to swim during the summer we spent in Lyon."

"Well what's the obsession with water today?" Damen had gotten over his shock and was now gently smiling at Nicaise. He was trying to lighten the mood but Nicaise took it as a barricade. Something he had to hurdle. He briefly thought of famous painting "Liberty of the People" but swept the thought out of his mind. The romanticized notion was nothing more than that: glorification.

"You going to stop me?" Nicaise asked defiantly, his hand resting on his hip.

"No. You're your own person." He paused. "But if you'll let me, I would like to join you. Nikandros and I love swimming and up at Jokaste's family cabin we used to swim in the lake all the time."

Nicaise turned around so Damen couldn't see how pleased he was to learn information about him. He admitted he was curious about Damen and finding out about his life before Laurent was interesting. The hurdle was forgotten.

He made his way to a chair and emptied the pockets of his jacket, setting his phone and some crumpled euro bills on a nearby table. He then set down his backpack and peeled off his denim jacket. Unlacing his boots he pointedly ignored Damen.

'Stop hiding. He won't hurt you.' The voice in his head whispered. Laurent said he gave his trust to Damen. If there was one thing Nicaise learned growing up, it was that Laurent was almost always right.

'Do it. Come on you can do it.' He repeated the mantra in his head as he tore the flannel off from around his waist. He worked off his shirt. Last he pulled off his jeans.

'Easy.' He said to himself as he stood in nothing but his underwear. He tried not to move unnaturally fast toward the pool. He could feel Damen's eyes on the dark bruise on his shoulder. It hadn't faded much as it was still too new and almost seemed to be getting darker each day. It would last a while.

He didn't bother to test the water before slipping in. It was always heated. Damen waited for Nicaise to be in the middle of the shallow end before starting down the stairs. He took his time.

"We don't have towels." Damen laughed, starting an easy conversation.

"They keep spares in the bathroom."

Silence began to creep back into the air but Damen didn't let it settle. "Nicaise..." he paused, as if hesitant to say something. "Can I ask you some questions?"

Damen looked hesitant, as if any slight movement might scare Nicaise away. It just might. Was this the tactic he used with Laurent?

Nicaise breathed ever so slightly, making sure the rise and fall of his chest was minuscule. 'Breathe.'

He looked up through his lashes and Damen took that as a sign to continue. After all, Laurent didn't always give him verbal confirmation either. He knew how the two brothers spoke in hidden language and sometimes it wasn't always aloud.

"Okay...umm. What's your favorite color?"

Nicaise was struck speechless. He was expecting Damen to bring up his uncles abuse. His rape. His innocence. The bruise. Anything but his favorite color. But Damen wanted to know his favorite fucking color.

"Blue." He replied. The pause between question and answer had felt too long and stretched. It was the best he could do.

"When did you get that backpack?"

Nicaise paused. He couldn't understand what Damen had to gain by asking these questions. "Laurent got it for me a few years ago. Never leave without it."

"Mhm." Damen acknowledged. "You can ask me questions too." He added.

"Why are you here?" Nicaise blurted it out before his thoughts could catch up with his mouth and he resisted the burn on his cheeks.

"I won't leave you Nicaise."

Nicaise's lip quivered unexpectedly. He could feel the tears rising. He couldn't stop them this time. He splashed at the water, flinging a small wave at Damen. The brunette ducked away so most of the water hit his back but it did its job. Nicaise composed himself before Damen turned around.

Nicaise was done with questions. He no longer trusted himself to not give up any information. Damen was more observant than he appeared and he was picking up things that Nicaise didn't even realize he was dropping in plain sight.

He splashed Damen again and soon a war began. They chased each other throughout the shallow end. Nicaise loved games. He found himself laughing aloud alongside Damen.

He ended up in the corner of the pool trapped between the wall and Damen. The hulking man stopped just short of the boy and smiled. His teeth were bright and all at once Nicaise knew why Laurent fell in love with Damen. He was the good. He was light. He thawed Laurent's ice and shone through his darkness.

"Can I?" Damen gestured to Nicaise's whole body.

He got the picture. "Well I was unaware that barbarians were concerned with the wellbeing of their prey."

Nicaise would never give Damen and outright answer. At least not yet. But Damen seemed to understand well enough.

Damen's smile only grew and he lunged toward Nicaise faster than a man of his stature should've been able to in water.

Strong arms wrapped around his middle but the fear of being trapped didn't hit him. The tense of his muscles never came.

Damen lifted him out of the water and Nicaise lay horizontally across Damen's shoulders. Damen climbed out of the pool and stood in front of the deep end. They both shook with laughter and Nicaise was shrieking, feigning horror at being thrown in even though he was already wet.

Damen swung him around the prepare to launch him into the blue water.

"Ah! Barbarian! Put me down!" But for once Nicaise's words held no poison. His sharp cry pierced the air before he hit the water. He opened his eyes and sank to the bottom of the pool. Light danced and reflected around him and he looked at his pale arms. They had turned a shade of light blue and when he looked up he was met with darkness. The sun had set. When had that happened he wondered.

A boom sounded to the left of him as Damen jumped in. He swam to the surface slowly, lazily kicking out his long legs.

He climbed out and Damen followed, and they found towels to dry off with. Nicaise hurriedly got dressed, the night air biting at his skin. The sudden chill made him feel exposed and his mind wandered back to the dark bruise on his shoulder. There was no doubt Damen had seen it but he hadn't commented.

Damen opened his mouth as if to speak but Nicaise didn't trust what was about to come out. He rushed to talk first.

"Let's go meet Laurent at X2." He shivered despite having put on his jacket and his hair drying quickly. Suddenly he was so tired and he couldn't wait for the smoke to roll off his tongue.

Once they were back on the streets of downtown Lyon Nicaise sighed. The outskirts of the city where the radio tower sat were a bit too quiet for him. The streets remained sparse of people however as it was a Thursday night. The only people walking around were those heading for a late dinner, a sharp contrast to those who would be walking around Friday night for clubs and bars.

A dark wooden door sat tucked into a corner. The intricate designs of the stone buildings drew the eye from it. Only a small sign hung above it shining neon blue. It read X2 and the bright blue sign contrasted the near invisible door.

Nicaise swung open the old heavy door, original to the old city, and Damen grabbed it from him, swinging it wider with his broad arms.

A desk sat in front of the door and a woman in high heels came out from a back room. Nicaise spoke to her in a hushed voice, arranging for a table. The dark lighting allowed for limited visibility and what little light there was cast a blue glow. The scent of hookah wafted toward them as the woman grabbed menus and brought them to the back. Music pulsed but it was subtle, allowing for conversation and relaxation.

Laurent was sitting in a black booth and across from him sat a woman. Nicaise vaguely recognized her from when he was younger. He had met her when he was nine but only briefly. Vannes.

Only a few booths were filled, as Laurent predicted. Nicaise took his seat next to Laurent, forcing Damen to sit by Vannes even though he didn't know her. A coke and a water sat on the table but other than that it was empty.

"We waited for you." Laurent said. "Damen this is Vannes." They breezed through introductions and the woman came by again to get their order, her high heels clicking on the floor.

"Nicaise we can share." Laurent relayed to the hostess. Vannes and Damen decided to share as well since Damen had never smoked before and Vannes couldn't finish a hookah alone. They got apple while Nicaise demanded mint flavor.

The hookah came out quickly as there were few patrons and Laurent expertly set up the charcoal. They passed out mouth pieces (after Nicaise fought Laurent for the only blue one) and it was only a few minutes later before Nicaise was sucking smoke into his lungs.

The mint tingled his tongue and he relaxed into the cushion of the seat.

"Vannes is a lawyer in Germany. Although the laws are different, she can give us advice on how to get custody of Nicaise." Laurent explained to Damen.

"How?" Nicaise sneered. The topic of himself and his wellbeing forcefully brought up put him on edge again. They were speaking about him as if he wasn't sitting right in front of them. The poison was back in his words. To his surprise, Vannes answered.

"Laurent has quite the inheritance from his father as well as a degree in business. His fathers old partners like Charles will be sure to back you up and Laurent has a permanent residence in Portland."

Nicaise's eyes went wide. "You live in Portland?!"

"Yes." Laurent answered calmly. "I moved in with Damen at his apartment. I had no intentions of coming home other than to get you."

The reassurance of Laurent coming back for him was minimal compared to the rage he felt that Laurent hadn't told him yet.

He curled the smoke in his mouth and forced himself to let it out slowly, calming him down. It flowed down his lips and spilled over his chest before evaporating into the air. Damen sat silently. He seemed unsure of his words now that he was in Nicaise and Laurents' presence.

"I have some connections in the United States-" Vannes began.

"I have a friend who is a lawyer. It's not a problem." Damen spoke up after his long silence. "We're waiting for her to pass the Bar." Damen paused. "We came to you for a European opinion. We thought maybe moving to France and getting full citizenship was an option."

"No, your best bet is with your friend." Vannes concluded.

Laurent nodded. He took the hose from Nicaise, who had been steadily smoking to keep his mouth busy. He was now light headed and the feeling resembled being buzzed from alcohol. It would pass within a few minutes though once his brain got the oxygen it so desperately needed. Laurent switched the mouth pieces expertly and took a long drag.

"But you think we can win it?"

"The United States justice system is corrupt in many ways but I don't think it's so skewed that you can not win this case. You both can testify and if you say your powerful business partner can testify for you then it's an added bonus. However, your friend, she is young I presume. If she just passes the Bar this will be her first case? Judges don't take lightly to inexperienced lawyers. The odds may not stack in your favor if your uncle manages to get a judge easily swayed by money."

"We always beat the odds." Laurent replied cooly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and as always, feedback is GREATLY appreciated.


	5. Fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry for the long wait it's just this fic is a bit hard for me to write emotionally and so sometimes I have to take my time. Also, my dog stepped on my computer and deleted the first half of the chapter so I had to rewrite it. 
> 
> here is the sights for the chapter. I tried to get photos of the same time of day as in the fic. 
> 
> [ liberty of the people ](https://cdn.theculturetrip.com/images/56-3620995-800px-eug-ne-delacroix-la-libert-guidant-le-peuple.jpg)
> 
> [ the Louvre ](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/e4/Paris_July_2011-27a.jpg/800px-Paris_July_2011-27a.jpg)
> 
> [ l'arc de triomphe ](http://s4.thingpic.com/images/mC/jwoBx9XVmNHEK7mcSo6KvhJk.jpeg)
> 
> [ la Tour Eiffel ](http://bienvenue.paris/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Tour-Eiffel-illumin%C3%A9e-01-%C2%A9-Pierre-Nicou-SETE-682x1024.jpg)
> 
> [ lion statue ](http://lucerne.all-about-switzerland.info/lucerne/lionmonument-lucerne.jpg)
> 
> some songs to listen to during this chapter is Levitation by Beach House, Bloodlines by the Slow Show, and Our Corner of the Universe by KS Rhoads

"God dammit Laurent why?" Nicaise questioned as he shoved his clothes in his backpack.

"As much as I hate acting like a tourist, Damen is and if he didn't see Paris before he left France it would be a crime."

"It smells like ass there."

"Correction: the subways smell like ass there. Not the entire city." A pause. "Most of the city."

"What smells like ass?" Damen piped up as he stepped out of the steamy bathroom. A towel was wrapped around his waist and his dark curls had water droplets clinging to them.

"Paris." Both DeVere brothers answered in unison.

"Oh." Damen nodded, completely accepting their answer. He moved to get dressed and Nicaise looked away. He was still getting used to Damen.

"It's only for two days and one night." Laurent said. "Then we can head to Berlin. Vannes couldn't stay long in France so she headed back but after Damen sees Paris we can meet back up back in Germany."

"Isn't Paris supposed to be beautiful?" Damen asked as he shoved his things into his backpack.

"It is. But Lyon and Paris have a history." Laurent explained, slightly exasperated. "Think of Lyon like LA and Paris like New York. Ring any bells in terms of the people's attitude difference?"

"Right...so Paris is stuck up." Damen concluded. He sidled up behind Laurent, lightly placing his arms around his waist. He still left a bit of space for Laurent to wiggle away if he wanted.

"The Louvre takes time so we can head there as soon as our train arrives. We should be in Paris and checked into our hotel by noon."

The statement reminded Nicaise of what time it was and he groaned loudly. It was six in the morning and the sun was barely just rising. They had to be on their train and in their seats by seven.

"Get your asses moving." Laurent said monotonously, moving out of Damen's reach. He grabbed his backpack and walked out of the door to their apartment, knowing his quick leave would prompt Damen and Nicaise into action.

They brought only small backpacks full of clothes and the essential toiletries since the Paris trip wouldn't last long and Berlin wouldn't be an extended stay either.

They half walked half ran to their train, ending up with two minutes to spare and the train attendants yelling last calls at the doors for them. Their seats had the customary table between them, two facing the front of the train and two facing the back. Nicaise and Laurent sat facing the back since Nicaise liked the feeling of moving backwards. This left Damen to sit next to the (hopefully) empty seat.

Luckily the train wasn't at max capacity and so the ticket holders were able to have their assigned seats spread out so no one sat next to Damen.

"How long is this. Just curious." Damen asked Laurent.

"Four hours." Laurent paused, setting the book he had begun to read on the table. "Lyon to Paris is four hours." He began to look out the window and Nicaise snuck a peak at what he was reading.

The title was Because You'll Never Meet Me. Sounded depressing. Typical Laurent. Despite is internal chastising Nicaise resolved to steal the book later and read it. He always read Laurents books.

He put in his music and opted for something relaxing. Levitation by Beach House was one of his favorite songs and the melody instantly soothed him as the train pulled into motion. Soon they would be in Paris. He sighed.

'Dont end. Please summer. Don't end.'

A tissue appeared in front of him and he looked up perplexedly. Damen was giving him a sheepish expression. It was then he noticed the one lone tear that was running down his cheek. He resisted the urge to scoff. He was crying much too often nowadays.

-

"Nicaise." Laurent shook him awake. "You keep falling asleep so I assume you aren't sleeping at night." Nicaise knew what Laurent was stabbing at. His dreams. No. His nightmares.

The train was stopped and Nicaise realized he slept through the whole four hours. Then again, thinking back on the week since they had arrived in France, he really hadn't slept well.

"Sleep is for the weak."

Laurent left the subject as they stood and exited. Once outside the station Damen gasped.

In the distance la Tour Eiffel loomed. Visible at almost every angle in the sprawling city.

"Okay let's start at the louvre, then l'arc du triomphe, then la Tour Eiffel."

"Whatever you think is best." Damen smiled warmly.

'How could one person be so happy?' Nicaise thought. Then he realized. Damen had everything he wanted in the world. And his everything was Laurent. His heart squeezed uncomfortably in his chest.

As they walked through the city to get to the infamous museum, Nicaise found himself watching Damen more than the sights. The way his eyes went wide at a particularly old building. The way Damen would glance over at Laurent every few minutes and watch him fondly. After a while he could predict a pattern of when Damen was going to look over. His muscles relaxed.

The Louvre came into sight and Nicaise couldn't hold back his small intake of air. No matter how much he and Laurent trash talked Paris, The Louvre never failed to take his breath away. He'd only seen it twice before but he was too young. Didn't feel it at the time but looking back...he was too young.

They paid the hefty entrance fee as the infamous glass triangular cap loomed over them.

"It's stunning..." Damen trailed off. He stood in the main room, spinning, trying to decide which hallway to walk down. Laurent gazed at him, amused, a smirk tugging on his lips. Nicaise pushed past his brother to grab Damen by the sleeve, tugging him down the nearest hall.

When Laurent said the Louvre took a long time, what he really meant was its impossible to see it all in one day. They of course saw the famous paintings like the Mona Lisa, but what Nicaise loved best was the indoor architecture.

The high arched ceilings, the marble floors. It was beautiful.

Nicaise faintly registered that Laurent and Damen had continued walking but he was stuck in this one expansive room. The Louvre was large and so once you got deep enough into the museum you rarely ran into people. The room was empty and Nicaise smiled.

He spun slowly, taking in all the details. The paintings on the wall. The intricate crown molding. The scaffolded ceilings. He spun again.

He spun again.

He spun again, faster this time. The view was blurring.

He spun faster.

He wasn't sure if it was the whirling or the tears but he could barely see more than vibrant colors of his surroundings.

He spun. He spun. He spun.

His legs moved without his permission, slowing down finally. He came to a stop, staring directly at a painting.

Liberty of the people.

Ironic.

He laughed in his head. He laughed out loud. Wasn't he just thinking of this painting? When he was thinking about hurdling obstacles with Damen.

His laugh turned into a sob and suddenly arms were around him and he didn't need to open his eyes to see it was Laurent. When had they closed?

"It hurts. Why does it still hurt?"

"I can't promise you when it will stop." Laurent breathed into his hair. Nicaise opened his eyes and he could see Damen standing a ways away, one arm clutching the other awkwardly.

"Let's go." He stood straight and Laurent's arms fell from where they had caged him.

He walked, silently wiping the wet salt from his cheeks.

'No more. Last time.' He promised. They ended up outside where the triangular glass sat. Damen made them squeeze together for a picture. As he and Laurent examined it on Damen's phone, Nicaise walked to the edge of the courtyard to a lion statue.

The lions face looked anguished, maw riddled with wrinkles as it seemed to cry out in pain. It's eyes seemed sad and it lay on a slap of rock, as if it was injured and fell there.

Damen and Laurent came to stand beside him.

"Our father loved this statue." Laurent spoke. "It's a replica of the one in Switzerland. It was made to commemorate the Swiss soldiers who gave their lives for the French Revolution."

"Sad."

"I don't remember..." Nicaise trailed off. That made him sad.

"You were nine. Too long ago." A pause. "Auguste used to love it too."

They remained silent as they walked off the property. Taking their time to get to their next stop. Time.

Time was something Nicaise seemed to be running out of.

After quite the walk l'arc de triomphe came into view. The flag wasn't hanging under it today, as usual the Tricolor only flew on special occasions, but it was still magnificent. The sun was setting behind it and the sky had turned a pink color, blue offsetting it. The vibrant sky was the only indicator of the time. Nicaise had no idea they had spent so many hours in the Louvre.

Damen made them pose for a picture again, claiming everyone back home was scrambling for pictures of Nicaise on Instagram. Apparently Damen and Laurent talked so much about him that nearly their whole friend group would give an arm and a leg to meet him.

There wasn't much to do besides stare and take pictures of the beautiful monument and after Laurent gave Damen a brief history of it, they made their way to the main attraction of Paris.

"So Napoleon built it?"

"Yes, why is that so hard to understand?"

"I thought he was hated as a short tyrant?"

"Actually, everyone loves him..." Laurent trailed off as the night surrounded them. They stood on the lawn in front of the tower. Lights shimmered all up and down the steel monument and Damen made an 'Ah' sound.

"Damn."

"Yes." Laurent concluded. "The french sure know how to make a monument."

"Gave your sorry asses the Statue of Liberty." Nicaise laughed. Damen just scoffed.

"So...how do we get to the top?"

"If you're implying we climb I can assure you there's no way in hell. 704 steps. I'm taking the elevator." Laurent bought them tickets and they waited in line. It only took fifteen minutes of wait time since it wasn't a busy day and the cool night air was turning people off from going into high places.

Bypassing the first floor other than to buy Damen a small Eiffel Tower keychain for Jokaste, they went straight to the top.

The city glimmered beneath them and Nicaise sighed. He was finding his grudge against Paris harder and harder to hold.

"Fuck."

"Not in public Nicaise." Laurent joked.

He stared unamused from beneath his lashes, the way Laurent hated.

"Buy me ice cream."

"I'm a bit preoccupied questioning my existence and how small I am." Laurent replied.

"Oh get over it."

"Trying."

As the lights shone around them, their forearms aching from being eagerly pressed into the railing, Nicaise felt okay. Time wasn't on his side, but Laurent was. And maybe Damen was too.

'Mmpf.' He sighed in his head. 'Fuck Paris.' He decided after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! As always, comments and feedback is very welcomed and so appreciated!!


	6. Royalty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry for the long wait in between updates. I've been working heavily on my book I've been writing and fan fiction is essentially practice for me so this isn't my first priority so I only write when I'm inspired. However, New update yay!! Also does anyone read this fic anymore? I feel like I'm shouting into the void lol.

The next morning Nicaise awoke to a shout.

"We're late!"

He jolted awake. "Late for what?! We're on vacation!"

"Nicaise get up. We have a tour at the Versailles gardens in an hour."

Nicaise's eyes widened. "We won't make it." He breathed.

"We will make it." Laurent said.

Damen was already throwing on clothes and Laurent was in the same state. His older brother shooed him off the couch where he was sleeping.

"It takes 40 minutes to drive there!"

"We're making it." Laurent grit out. Nicaise clamped his mouth shut and began to get dressed. Once Laurent has his mind on a task it would happen.

They rushed out of the door, Laurent remembering to grab a key card at the last minute so they wouldn't be locked out.

"Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" Damen bounced up and down as they hailed a taxi.

The car ride passed in tense silence. Half way to the palace Laurent spoke up. "Fuck the tour."

"I knew it." Nicaise grinned.

"I probably know more French history than the damn tour guide. We can just walk around."

"I'm fine with anything you do." Damen said, leaning down to nuzzle Laurent. Nicaise made a gagging motion with his finger, his mouth adding to the sound affects.

So far Laurent and Damen had kept the couple cuddling to a minimum for Nicaise but there were still moments he had to suffer through. He wouldn't admit it out loud ,but for Laurent, he would endure anything. His half brother deserved it. He deserved Damen. He deserved love.

-

When they arrived Laurent immediately scoffed. Tourists were everywhere. At the Eiffel tower they avoided a lot of the crowd by going at night on a weekday but now it was mid morning and Versailles palace was teeming with people.

Different tour groups were being led around but Laurent wove them through them all, making for the lavish gardens.

They found themselves stopped in front of a huge fountain with multiple tiers. People were taking pictures and selfies but Nicaise, Damen, and Laurent made no move for their cameras. They just stared.

"It's beautiful." Damen said.

"Mhm. Nevermind that Louis XIV was a righteous asshole."

"Do not hate on the Sun King!" Nicaise defended, unable to keep the snort from coming out at the end of his sentence.

Laurent proceeded to launch into an explanation on Louis XIV's life and how he single handedly tipped France's noble life. The nobles had the kings wrapped around their fingers until Louis XIV turned the tables and made the bourgeoisie reliant upon him.

Fashion and beauty flourished under his reign as he made appearances a top priority.

They walked around the gardens for a half an hour before finally entering the palace. Nicaise once again had his eyes glued to the ceilings. The artwork was stunning and golden crown molding framed the room. Extravagant chandeliers hung from the ceiling and golden framework was built into nearly every surface of the walls.

They traveled to every room they could see available to the public eye, including the queens chambers which Nicaise was adamant they see. They even took a few selfies for Damen's Instagram since Nicaise was growing more and more infamous with their friends back home. Apparently Jokaste adored him.

They saved the best for last however.

Nicaise stood at the end of the Hall of Mirrors, Laurent and Damen flanking him on either side.

"Are you ready?" Laurent asked.

"Is anyone ever ready to walk through the most beautiful room on earth?" Nicaise replied.

"I suppose not."

And with that they stepped forward. Nicaise walked so slowly. He wanted to see it all. The ceiling was rounded and painted with delicacy. On the right were huge windows letting in the afternoon sun. To the left huge mirrors stood, reflecting the light back and making the room seem larger than it was.

The very air seemed to shimmer as Nicaise walked. The hall was filled with people of course but they melted from his view as he walked. Laurent and Damen were a presence behind him but his blue eyes were wide as he took everything in. Golden statues were placed at intervals holding up small chandeliers.

Dark marble was placed evenly on the walls behind the golden statues and it gave the room depth and shadow, the dark contrasting the light of the sun. Nicaise's lips were parted in awe. He felt like royalty.

As the people disappeared from his view he could imagine it as it was. As it was all those years ago. He saw Louis XIV staring out of the windows, curly black hair placed perfectly on his head. His toe was pointed so that his calf muscles showed through his white stockings, as was the custom for noblemen at the time. His lips were curved into a smirk, as if he knew something everyone else in the world didn't. His gaze was sharp as he watched the gardens from behind the safety of the clear windows. Nicaise walked closer and closer to the Sun King.

The image dissolved into smoke when he reached the end of the room.

"We were royalty."

"What?" Damen asked, having either not heard Nicaise or understood him.

"We were royalty." He said again as if this explained everything. "In our past lives." He clarified upon Damen's still confused expression.

"There's no such thing as past lives Nicaise." Laurent huffed.

"You think what you want and I'll think what I want. And I think we were royalty." And with that he raised his chin and strolled out of the room, leaving Damen and Laurent to trail behind him.

-

"We have one more night in Paris before we head for Germany. What would you like to do?"

"Can't we just go smoke hookah?"

Laurent sent Damen a pointed look.

"I'm up for whatever Nicaise is."

"Yes!" He jumped up and down excitedly, and a little childishly, but no one was keeping track.

They filed out of the hotel room and Nicaise walked ahead of Laurent and Damen. It was quickly becoming his customary position.

"If you keep smoking so adamantly your lungs will be black by the time you're eighteen." Laurent pointed out as the hookah lounge came into view.

"Good." Was Nicaise's only response.

Once seated in the lounge Nicaise got a sweet Ambrosia mint flavor to share with Laurent while Damen abstained. He was very adamant about his 'athletes lungs' although one time was sure to not hurt him.

Damen and Laurent spoke to each other over the rap music that was blaring but Nicaise kept himself company. He didn't mind, he had a hookah in his hand after all to keep his mouth busy.

He distracted himself by trying to blow O's into the air. He only succeeded once but that didn't stop him from trying over and over again until Laurent finally confiscated the hookah so he wouldn't get smoke sick. Laurent forced him to take a ten minute break while his head and lungs recovered.

Nicaise pouted by poking at Damen who was seated next to him. Damen didn't seem to mind it and kept on the conversation with Laurent as though nothing were happening. Laurent stared holes into Damen's arm however where Nicaise was jabbing.

Eventually he settled for resting his head on Damen's shoulder and when he finally got the hookah back from Laurent he was too comfortable to move. Despite the loud music he dozed lazily, relaxing into Damen as the smoke tugged at his mind.

He didn't remember falling asleep but the next thing he knew his cheeks were being bitten by the cool summer night air as Damen carried him to the hotel.

His eyes closed again and didn't open until the lamp on the bedside table in the room let him know they had made it off the streets of Paris.

"I'll sleep on the couch." Damen said softly as he set Nicaise onto the bed.

He wasn't thinking clearly due to how tired he was, but he didn't care at the moment. Damen was warm. He kept his fingers wound into his jacket.

"Non." He said blearily.

"Nicaise go to sleep." Laurent urged, moving to turn off the light.

"No. Damen...s'warm."

His eyes fluttered back closed but a smile tugged at his lips as Laurent climbed in on his left side and Damen on the right. Damen kept his respectful distance but Nicaise could still feel his warmth. Laurent cradled Nicaise as if he could protect him from the world and the lights faded out.

Germany awaited them tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading comments and feedback are always greatly appreciated. Stop by my tumblr it's Bluewire13.


	7. Habits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry for the long wait I really am trying to update this quick! I love this fic and it's very emotional for me to write and so I hope you understand that sometimes I need to take a break for happier fics sometimes as I need to be in a certain mind set when writing this fic. Thank you all for your support and I hope you enjoy this new chapter.

Catching their flight from Paris to Germany the next day was simple since they didn't have any large luggage with them. It wasn't the first time Nicaise was grateful they had rented an apartment in Lyon to leave their things at.

He and Damen made quick work of ordering enough alcohol to get them tipsy on the plane. After Nicaise's third personal bottle of Rose wine the stewardess politely told him that the flight was only a few hours and stopping was advised. He knew he should've but he ordered another bottle anyway just to spite her. Laurent knew it was an act of spite and helped Nicaise finish the bottle but standing from the flight was challenging once they landed and Nicaise swung his backpack over his shoulder and stumbled out of the plane, shooting the same stewardess a triumphant look.

Once on the streets of Berlin they headed straight for a bar.

"Vannes will be here shortly to help us around the city and we are staying at her apartment. You have my permission to get drunk."

"Great." Damen smiled and asked the bartender for the largest, most German beer available. Luckily almost everyone from the younger generation spoke English in Europe.

"Nicaise," Laurent turned to his brother, "sip on a Monaco or nothing at all. You're cut off on hard alcohol for now."

"No fun." He mumbled but he knew his brother was right. The bartender slid him a knowing look as he passed him the red beer and Nicaise sipped it sullenly.

Vannes chose that moment to walk through the door and she made quick work of assessing Nicaise's condition. "You've been in Germany less than an hour and you're already drunk?"

"In flight wine." Laurent said as explanation.

She hummed her appreciation and sat next to Laurent on a stool. "Long time no see."

"Mhm yes it would appear we just can't get enough of you."

They passed banter back and forth easily while Damen worked on emptying his drink. Nicaise listened half heartedly, staring into the pink foam of his beer. Time passed immeasurably and the sky outside began to darken as the sun fell. 

He had a song stuck in his head and he was turning the lyrics over, examining them. It was a rap song and he practiced getting the words right in his mind. He didn't realize he was mumbling under his breath until he looked up and caught Laurent's eye, who was smirking with one eyebrow raised.

He ignored his brother with a roll of his eyes, taking a sip of his Monaco. Obnoxiously booming laughter drew his eyes to Damen who was without a doubt drunk now. He was smiling even more so than usual and Nicaise turned bitterly to his drink.

Being drunk usually made things better for him but lately it was just spurring on bouts of bad memories and painful feelings. He sulked on the bar top.

He pulled out a cigarette but Laurent stopped him. He allowed the pack to be pried from his clenched fingers, realizing how tense he was. He figured Laurent wanted one for himself. Instead Laurent took out a cigarette and passed it to him, pocketing the pack.

Nicaise stared at him, allowing malice and disdain to glean in his eyes. "That's my pack." He pointed out. He ignored how Vannes and Damen's eyes now trained on them.

"And now it's mine." Laurent said flippantly. He turned back to his Mai Tai, taking a large sip, as if being buzzed would lessen his pain.

This angered Nicaise. He was the one in pain! Not Laurent. He stomped off to smoke his one cigarette outside. He knew what Laurent was doing. He was trying to wean him off smoking. It wasn't fair though. Nicaise needed smoking like Laurent needed it. Not for the nicotine, but for the feeling. The stress relief. The ebb.

He paced back and forth once outside, ignoring the strange glances he received. He was obviously foreign.

He let out an aggravated huff when he realized he was smoking too aggressively. The cigarette was already smoked down to the filter and that was his only one. It was hot between his finger tips, the cherry of the cigarette red and angry. He stubbed it out with the heel of his boot, walking back inside with his hands in his pockets and his head bowed.

He bumped into Laurent before he could make it back to his stool however. "Damen is inebriated so we're heading back to the apartment." Vannes and Damen were behind him, laughing and lightly holding each other up. They weren't that drunk, and it was only 10 o'clock, but they still were laughing loudly.

Vannes passed her car keys to Laurent. Nicaise knew his brother had been drinking but it was also only a few sips and frankly, he'd take a buzzed Laurent over a drunk Vannes and Damen any day.

A Volkswagen Golf waited for them on the street and they all climbed in, Vannes giving directions a split second later than what should've been normal. Luckily Laurent had fast reflexes and didn't miss any turns.

The parking garage for Vannes' complex was small and the elevator even smaller. When they finally all made it into her apartment Nicaise sighed in relief.

Vannes had two rooms which was a miracle in itself. Damen and Laurent would stay in one room and Vannes in hers. Nicaise was couch surfing again but he didn't mind.

They quickly settled in, Vannes going straight to bed, saying something about making themselves at home. Laurent quickly got Damen to bed as well and soon only he and Nicaise were awake.

"Go to your boyfriend. It's the first night you've had a separate room since we came on this trip. I'm assuming you want to fuck."

"Damen is too drunk to fuck." Laurent said. "I'm here for you."

"I don't need you." Even as the words left his mouth Nicaise knew they weren't true.

Laurent wordlessly lead him from the apartment and they headed for the roof. Laurent prayed it was accessible and thankfully the door at the top of the stairs opened. They propped it open with a brick and made for the edge.

"Give me my cigarettes back." Nicaise said, opening the conversation to hostility. They'd sat down, feet dangling over the edge and all of Berlin lit up before them.

Laurent calmly pulled out his phone, playing music softly as they watched the city lights blur beneath them.

Nicaise began his smoking on the roof of their childhood home, hiding the secret from their uncle, using the smoke to ebb his pain and regain a piece of his body. Unintentionally using them to harm himself in a diluted and convoluted rise to confidence.

It was only fitting he would end on the roof.

"I will quit. And so will you." Laurent said.

Nicaise recognized the song then. In that moment. It was Memory Gospel by Moby. And it was so, so fitting.

A silent tear fell down his cheek. He hadn't even realized he was crying until the wind had made the stain on his cheek cool.

"Give them back." He tried again weakly. He could go buy more, but he wanted the ones he had. They were his freedom.

"I will quit. And so will you." Laurent repeated.

"I don't care that it's bad for me." Nicaise pleaded again.

"And that's the problem. I understand you want your body back. But I'm your brother. And it's my job to protect you. Your body never left you."

"Uncle...he-"

"No. He didn't take anything from you."

"He took my first time. He took my happiness. He took my innocence. He took my empathy." Nicaise's voice broke on the last word.

"But he will not take your lungs....and he won't take mine." Laurent paused, the music ringing heavy in the air. "I gave you weapons to fight back. I gave you poison. I gave you cigarettes and piercings." Laurent paused again and the air finally seemed to settle around them. "But the fight is over. We rest now."

"The fight isn't over yet." He said brokenly. He knew his brother was right.

"No. This fight is over and we have won. The war...the war is not yet over. But it will be soon. And we have a new weapon now. We have Damen."

"How can you trust him so much?" Nicaise asked. His voice cracked again as more tears slipped down his face and Laurent was reminded that his brother was only 14.

"The same way you trust him." Laurent replied easily. Nicaise made a choked noise then, falling sideways into Laurent. He sobbed, heavy and wet heaves, leaving his bones rattled and his chest aching.

He promised himself he wouldn't cry any longer but the pain bore down on him like a vice. And he realized, that was okay. It was okay for the pain to consume him because it needed to be felt. He needed to mourn for the things taken from him. And he needed to learn to yearn again for the future.

The city looked oh so beautiful from up there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Comments and feedback is always welcome.


	8. Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT PLEASE READ:  
> Smut is ahead though it's by no means very graphic and it does NOT involve Nicaise.  
> Hi guys sorry for the long time between updates but school is more important. Luckily I have exams these next two weeks and then I'm basically home free so expect better longer updates. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

"Higher!" Nicaise screeched. He was resting on Damen's shoulders, which was a feat in itself because Nicaise was 14, well past the age of resting comfortably on someone's shoulders. Luckily Damen wasn't just "someone". He was huge and his broad shoulders made a perfect seat for Nicaise.

The Berlin Wall was to their left and as they walked alongside it, admiring the beautiful graffiti and street art that decorated the monument, Nicaise tried to peer over the top. It was the reason he demanded Damen allow him to sit on his shoulders.

Even though the wall was now just a historical monument, and no longer divided Berlin from east side to west side, Nicaise still wanted to be able to say he looked over the top of the wall.

Laurent and Vannes were calmly walking a little ways behind the excited Nicaise and Damen.

"He's good with him." Vannes commented quietly, for Laurent's ears only.

"Damen loves him." Laurent said fondly. It was a tone he didn't use often.

Nicaise was gripping Damen by his curly locks and directing him like a horse to a particularly cool piece of the wall with the words "how is god? she is black" written on it.

"Nicaise loves him too." Vannes said. "I see it in his eyes."

"Nicaise deserves to love someone."

"Someone other than you." Vannes finished for Laurent.

"Laurent! I want a picture!" Nicaise called back. His smile was wide and for once his sapphire eyes looked his age. Beautiful still, but young and full of happiness and hope.

Nicaise spread his arms like he was flying and Damen smiled wide, holding onto Nicaise's legs so he wouldn't topple backwards. The wall behind them was rainbow with a small wrought iron gate covered in peeling retro stickers. It seemed to be the only portion of the wall with a gate built into it.

Laurent made sure to snap two pictures on his phone before indicating that he'd finished taking them. Nicaise's hands immediately went back into Damen's hair. Laurent's lips curled into a small private smile when he saw Nicaise wasn't so much directing Damen with his hair now but more of playing and stroking the soft strands.

Damen had thick hair with nice curls and waves and when he grew it out it straightened into a thick mane. Laurent loved to run his fingers through it and he could see that transferred to Nicaise too.

Damen just smiled, leading onward like the noble steed he was.

-

Laurent rubbed at his neck in stress, trying and failing to reach a knot. Damen came up behind him, still clad in only a towel, and began to work out the kink for him.

The day had been full of sightseeing but Laurent was glad to finally be back in Vannes' apartment and heading to bed.

"Stop thinking." Damen murmured. He kissed his way down Laurent's neck, easing them onto the bed.

"We go back to Lyon tomorrow afternoon and then we only have three weeks in the apartment in France until we head back." Laurent said. His brow was furrowed and Damen put his thumb gently on his forehead, smoothing the wrinkle.

"Three weeks. Then we head back. And when we step foot in America, it will be in Portland." Damen paused. "You have a plan."

"Not a very good one."

"A plan. You'll change the flight the night before from Seattle to Portland and we'll take Nicaise home with us and work it out from there. We'll call Jokaste and she'll start working the case. She passed the bar last week remember."

"My plans don't always work."

"I trust you....Nicaise trusts you." Damen whispered the words into Laurent's pale bare shoulder.

Nicaise was asleep on the couch and Vannes assured them she would be out late clubbing.

Heat licked at Laurent's gut and he sighed, leaning into Damen's chest.

He turned, pushing them to the bed and he straddled Damen's hips. They met in the middle for a kiss and fire flamed between them as desire that had been building over the past few weeks was released.

At the apartment in Lyon they had only one room since it was a studio. Nicaise sleeping a few feet away was enough deterrent for Laurent. He would never put Nicaise through that.

Laurent tried to stifle his gasp, biting into Damen's shoulder. They were rubbing together and Damen's towel had long since fallen away.

As they chased their pleasure they remained silent but it didn't detract from their love. Damen let Laurent ride him, let him take what he wanted and Damen gave it to him fully.

-

Nicaise awoke with a start. Light streamed in from the open window and he could hear Vannes and Damen murmuring in the kitchen.

He reached for his phone under his pillow but found it missing. Panic shot through his chest. He threw the entire pillow up to see nothing but crisp sheets pulled over the couch.

Throwing the blankets off his panic washed over him in waves and he felt like he was drowning.

'Who took it? Where is it? Where's my phone.'

He was breathing heavier with every passing moment and dread felt like ice down his spine.

"Nicaise?"

He could hear Laurent speaking to him but he needed his phone.

A hand fell on his shoulder and he whipped around, eyes wide and jaw clenched in fear.

"Get off me."

Damen looked like Nicaise had physically struck him but he removed his hand instantly.

"Where is it?!"

"Nicaise calm down." Vannes tried to urge.

Calm down? How could he calm down? He hated that word he hated it.

He felt like his blood was on fire as rage ran through him. How could they let him suffer like this why weren't they helping?

Laurent tried to grab Nicaise and pull him into his arms to cease his erratic movements but Nicaise dodged him.

"Where is it? Where's my phone?" Tears were running down his cheeks in fat drops now and Vannes' eyes went wide.

"Nicaise I have it. I moved it to the kitchen to charge. You were clutching it while you slept that can't be good for-"

He stormed into the kitchen, cutting her off by hitting his shoulder into hers as he passed.

His phone sat harmlessly on the counter and when he picked it up and yanked it from the charger a nice 100% flashed at him from the battery life icon.

The fact that his phone was in his hand had his tears instantly drying. The panic ebbed but it left him with a hollow empty feeling in his chest. His small frame was wracked with shakes.

"I'm sorry Nicaise I promise I didn't look through it." Vannes said.

"I-" he couldn't find his voice.

"It's okay." Laurent said in French. At the sound of the language Nicaise perked up.

"We can go out to eat down the street. Vannes you said there's a nice place right?" Laurent asked, addressing everyone in English.

"Yes let me just finish getting ready. I need eyeliner." Vannes said, walking off to her room.

Laurent began to make coffee for himself but Nicaise ignored him. He walked over to Damen who was still standing in shock where Nicaise had thrown off his hand.

Nicaise wore a sheepish expression as he stood himself directly in front of Damen.

"M'sorry." He mumbled. He couldn't look up to see the taller man's expression. He darted his eyes around the room until falling forward into Damen. Immediately he was swept into a hug and it was warm.

He sighed into Damen's chest and he understood how Laurent had gotten used to this.

This warmth.

This peace.

When he pulled away he met Laurent's blue eyes from across the room and he strode into the kitchen.

Placing his elbows on the island he looked across at his blonde brother.

"You want my opinion?" It was meant to be a question but Laurent hadn't made it come out that way.

"You'll give it anyway." Nicaise said. The words were said into the crook of his arm as he sank lower to the tabletop.

"I think your brain knows the trauma is over."

"So what? Its side effect time?" Nicaise said bitterly.

"When we get back to the US I'm taking you to see someone."

"You don't see anyone." Nicaise pointed out. He wasn't crazy. He wasn't crazy.

He could feel his breath quickening again at the prospect of Laurent putting him in some mental hospital. Leaving him alone with his dreams and his fear.

"I don't want you to end up like me." Laurent stressed.

"You're just fine!" Nicaise was panicking again. No no no. Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

"You can't make me go anywhere!"

Laurents' eyes widened. "We won't send you anywhere Nicaise you're staying with us. You need to see a professional thou-"

"No! I have you! I- I have Damen." Nicaise stood a bit straighter and even though his chest heaved he remained tall.

Laurents' eyes shone with badly concealed pride. "Mon petit saphir." Laurent said under his breath.

Nicaise's eyes went wide with shock at the old nickname and he smiled small. It was a slow, quiet smile.

-

As they walked to the cafe Nicaise went into google on his phone.

'Side effects of child sexual assault.'

He winced internally at the phrasing and ignored the shame that licked at his belly.

He clicked the first link and wasn't pleased. His mouth went down into a concentrated frown.

* PTSD or night terrors  
* aggressive behavior  
* Depression  
* Suicidal thoughts  
* Possessiveness over personal belongings

He quickly exited out of the site. He'd read enough. He didn't want to feel the way he was feeling. He couldn't help it though.

Eating had gone by in a blur and soon they were prowling the streets of Berlin with no destination in mind but simply the idea of letting the city sink into them.

It was a beautiful and diverse place and every person they passed on the streets had a quirk about them.

One girls hair was so blue it looked like she was pulled right out of an anime. Another boys hair was lime green and they even passed someone who was wearing so much leather that they looked straight out of Mad Max.

Nicaise loved it. People watching helped keep his mind occupied and it let him know that expression was free will and shouldn't be hindered like in his uncles house.

He couldn't wait to be in Portland with Laurent and Damen all of the sudden.

A bar had a few tables outside and Vannes parked them there to begin their day drinking before they had to head to the airport.

All of their things had been packed that morning and they relaxed as the sun shone down on Berlin.

Nicaise was excited to be going back to Lyon but he couldn't help but think of how they would only have three more weeks in France before they headed back to America. He wanted this plan to work.

He needed it to work.

Now that he has tasted freedom he never wanted to be in his uncles possession again. He would rather die.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Comments and feedback is always welcome and appreciated.


	9. Vodka

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys exams are over for me and it's summer so updates should be faster however please keep in mind that this fic is very emotional for me and requires a certain mindset so once again please understand how some updates may take longer than others.

Nicaise was staring into the bottom of a bottle of grey goose and he wouldn't want to be anywhere else in that moment.

They were back in Lyon and Damen and Laurent had gone out for the night to some bar or other and Nicaise was told it was a "date night". Thus, he'd trudged down the block to a grocery store and picked up a bottle of vodka as big as his arm.

Well worth the hard carry back to the apartment.

He was well on his was to being smashed and he couldn't bring himself to care. Lately drinking wasn't as fun as it used to be and he was hoping that getting utterly obliterated alone would help kick him back into the mood of being an alcoholic.

He had downed 1/3 of the bottle. Laurent and Damen had left a mere hour ago.

"I'm gonna dieeeeeeee." He complained into the empty apartment. He flopped onto Laurent and Damen's bed before immediately jumping back up. He had no idea what they did on that bed. (He knew Laurent and Damen never did anything but he still liked to believe they did out of spite.)

Music was his best option he decided. Turning his volume up all the way on his phone he scrolled through his playlists. Deciding on Mercury: Retrograde by Ghostemane he laughed as the lyrics poured out of his phones speakers.

"Ask me if I give a fuck about a clique. Ask me if I give a fuck about a diss. Ask me if I give a fuck about fame. Recently I just don't give a fuck about a thing." He spoke the rap with a slow lilt, momentarily lamenting his crystalline voice due to the depth of the singers voice. He felt like his voice would never drop that low.

"I just decided by the grace of the god Poseidon." He took another swig of vodka and glanced at his clock on his phone. '11:07' He wanted a cigarette. All he needed to do was walk down the street to the liquor store. It was 7 euros and 59 pieces.

"Dammit. God fucking damn fuck shit." Each curse word was punctuated by Nicaise's foot connecting with something lying on the floor.

He wanted to smoke.

But he would never go behind Laurents back to do it. The fact that Laurent was quitting along side him. They were doing it together.

He didn't need the nicotine. He didn't need it.

He took another shaky swig from the bottle, his fingers curled hard around it. His hands were shaking and he didn't want to drop it.

Suddenly the world crashed down on him as his view tilted to the left when he spun his head too fast. He felt like everything was falling apart suddenly as if he had realized something great. 

He was 14.

People didn't drink at 14.

People didn't smoke.

People didn't swear.

They had swim parties and ate pizza and ice cream and whined to their parents. They begged for the newest iPhone and stayed inside playing video games. They laughed.

And suddenly it felt like a lot more was stolen from Nicaise then his virginity and his childhood innocence.

His will was gone.

He was 14.

He decided alcohol made his feelings a hell of a lot worse and pushed the cork into the grey goose bottle.

As the tears flowed down his cheeks he sighed. He was crying so often nowadays. He felt pathetic. Is this what normal people did? Live through a trauma and then cry about it?

Setting the bottle onto the table he figured some sleep would do him good. The drunk feeling would go away and hopefully it would take his self pity along with it so his will to live could return.

Laurent was going to give him the world and the stars if he remembered correctly. He wanted to be there to see it.

Deciding right then he needed to glimpse his war spoils he grabbed a key and headed for the roof.

Walking up the stairs was a bit of a challenge while inebriated but he managed. The air was warm, but that may have been the alcohol.

He hadn't drank that much since he was back in Seattle. A shudder ran through him at the thought of Seattle because it lead to thinking of his uncle.

It had only been a few weeks in Europe but it felt so far away. He didn't know just how horrible living in that house had been until he was out.

His uncle micromanaged his time, made sure he was always home by 8. Didn't let him out to see friends unless it would be suspicious otherwise. Even then Nicaise had stopped getting invited to things once Laurent left.

Because once Laurent left things became clear with his uncle, his intentions, and it became unbearable. And so in turn, Nicaise became unbearable. He lashed out at everyone he could.

The city lay sprawled before him, lit up like no other. Metal cranes shaped like giant T's for construction workers lit up under the night sky in a plethora of colors. He didn't know why the lights on the construction equipment were colored so beautifully but whoever had come up with the idea, he decided he was grateful for them.

While he was drunk, he decided to sift. Sift through the memories. He was already depressed enough at the moment. What was a little more? The internet had told him that sometimes reflection on the past could be good though he supposed the article wasn't expecting him to use his own memories as a form of self harm. 

He thought purposefully about his uncle.

His face. How he looked as he took him from behind. How he would look when someone rang the doorbell and he'd tell Nicaise to not move a muscle while he threw on a robe to go answer it.

Nicaise hated Laurent on those days. Hated him for abandoning him to his fate when Laurent had suffered the same before him.

But Nicaise could never really hate his half brother. Never hate.

As if just thinking of him conjured his presence, Nicaise watched as Damen and Laurent climbed out of an Uber below. That blonde hair was recognizable anywhere.

Laurent and Auguste both had the same stunning blonde hair but Nicaise was glad he hadn't inherited their locks. The brown curls made him distinct from Laurent but he also feels that if he was blonde he would remind Laurent too much of himself and Laurent would try to rise to the impossible height of Auguste.

It's not that Laurent isn't as good of a man as Auguste, it's just that Laurent is a different type of good. Both brothers are separate from each other.

He ponders this as he looks at the night sky. He can see the world but he wants desperately to see the stars. The light pollution of the city makes that nearly impossible however.

He suddenly feels a pang of guilt. Laurent will probably come looking for him and it's he and Damen's date night.

Great. Guilt on top of sadness and despair.

He turned and began to head back inside, slowly descending the stairs. When he opened the door to the apartment he was greeted to the sight of Laurent and Damen nestled close on the couch with French tv playing softly as background noise.

"Didn't come looking for me?" Nicaise said indignantly. He didn't know why he was pushing Laurent, only that he was.

"Knew you'd come scurrying home." Laurent replied flatly.

"You're sitting on my bed." He spit.

He didn't know when he'd put his mask back on. Maybe sometime between thinking of his uncle fucking him and imagining a world where Auguste was still there.

"Take ours." Damen suggested.

Nicaise huffed and immediately stripped down, relishing in making Damen have to swing his head quickly to the tv. Laurent just glared at him unimpressed.

Just because he could he took one of Laurent's t-shirts and used it as his pajamas. The effect was lessened however once he realized it was probably Damen's considering it hung to just below mid thigh.

He crawled into their plush bed and tried to not draw any more attention to how petulant he was being. He couldn't decide if he wanted attention or not and he huffed confusedly into the pillows. He let himself drift off but after some time weight dipped the mattress and his eyes shot open, memories unfolding before his eyes like a movie.

A soft coo from Laurent brought him back and he realized his brothers presence. He sighed and Laurent murmured a question into his ear to which the answer was always 'yes'.

He was pulled into Laurents embrace and Damen crawled in behind Laurent.

"Sing to me." Nicaise mumbled, words getting lost somewhere in the folds of fabric of Laurents chest.

Without hesitation and the kind of immediacy that Laurent only used with Nicaise, Laurent began to sing in slow and lilting French. It was an old lullaby for children but the words didn't matter so much as the tone and inflection of voice.

After such a tumultuous night, Nicaise smiled and he felt his mask fall away, glad that it was too dark for anyone to see.

His sigh was proof enough for Laurent. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Comments and feedback is always welcome and appreciated.


	10. Counterattack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys this chapter is short because it's mostly plot and I have the next chapter halfway written and we meet the rest of the crew! Hope you enjoy the update. Also thank you guys for all the comments, kudos, and hits, it means a lot.

Nicaise lay with Laurent, the sunlight streaming through the open window and inviting in the morning breeze and the sounds of the city below.

Soft gold played in the shadows of Laurent's contours and his hair seemed to be glowing. His pupils were small in response to the harsh light falling on them and as a result the ice blue of his irises was prominent. Nicaise's ocean blue stood out as well but his dark brown locks turned almost auburn in the light.

Damen was still sleeping on his stomach but Laurent and Nicaise were staring into each other's eyes, having a silent conversation through look alone. The way only siblings could. It was as if they existed apart from the world. He and Laurent.

They stayed that way for what felt like hours but couldn't have been more than minutes. Like a sleeping giant, Damen rose onto his elbows behind Laurent, a deep rumble spilling from his chest.

Only Laurent's eyes told Nicaise what he said. 'What are you worried about?' They said glinting. 'I'll protect you. I have a plan.'

Before Nicaise could mentally shoot back his response Damen threw an arm haphazardly across Laurent. Nicaise could see he was nuzzling into the back of Laurent's neck but Laurent never broke eye contact, demanding his answer.

'Everyone fails. Everyone ends up leaving me.' His eyes said.

'I won't leave you.' Laurent silently replied.

'Even Auguste left.'

Something flashed in Laurent's eyes then before the silence was broken finally by Laurent.

"Auguste would've never chosen to leave."

Damen stilled at that, all at once becoming aware of the conversation that had been happening without him.

Nicaise turned that over in his head.

"Funny how car accidents both took the greatest thing in my life and gifted me the greatest thing."

At Nicaise's perplexed look Laurent smiled wryly, glad to have caught Nicaise in his game. He always knew how to read him and force his mind where he wanted it.

"I was stupidly on the back of Damen's motorcycle. I'd hated him before that, he was always so annoying in our English lit class. Too nice."

Damen huffed a small laugh at that.

"But one day I was late for class and he offered me a ride when he saw me walking. Dumbass left out the part where he'd never driven with a passenger before. We crashed when a boy ran into the road. Aimeric. We weren't going over 30 mph. However, when I saw we were going to crash I saw two options: get smashed under the car driving next to us, or push Damen to the left and land on him. He was in a t-shirt. I destroyed his back."

"I forgave you a long time ago for that." Damen replied easily.

"And Auguste," Laurent continued, "well you know what happened to our Auguste."

"Funny how we don't miss our parents as much as we miss Auguste."

"That's because Auguste was the one good in our world."

Nicaise sat in silence for awhile before piping up again.

"Show me your back."

Damen rose up to a seated position and pulled his shirt over his head. Turning so Nicaise could see, he displayed a scarred back, covered in white lines from road rash.

"How will you get me out?"

"We're changing our flight from Lyon to Seattle at the last minute to Portland and once we're on even ground and you aren't physically with uncle we will begin the counterattack. Jokaste, Damen's friend, is a lawyer. She's going to build the case."

"What do you have on him?"

"Medical records from a time when Auguste took me to the doctor for a physical check up. I was 13 and stubborn. I made Auguste wait outside because the doctor had me strip. Evidence is evidence. My uncle paid him handsomely of course so father and mother couldn't find out but I have a copy of the record.

"Uncle paid off a doctor? When this comes to light it will end his career too."

"Uncle didn't do it. He gave the money to Guion, his closest advisor and assistant manager of the company. Guion paid so if this comes to light he goes down, not uncle."

"So then what do you have on Guion."

"Well, its actually a funny story," Laurent said with a glint in his eye, "the boy, Aimeric, who made Damen crash, he's Guion's son. Damen didn't press charges at the time but the entire accident was his fault. We push the Aimeric matter privately while publicly pushing the Guion matter. They'll have nowhere to turn and with Jokaste defending us we'll win custody of you."

"And if the pressure isn't put properly on Aimeric and this fails?"

"It won't fail."

Nicaise nodded, sitting up to look at Damen properly. Laurent sat up as well and the light coming in through the window made Nicaise feel like he had better enjoy these last three weeks in France, in this apartment.

This was the last moment of peace they were going to get until this whole thing was over. Nicaise only knew one thing for sure: if Laurent lost this, he wasn't going back to his uncle alive.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Comments and feedback is always welcome.


	11. The Long Night Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So this is the beginning of the end but I might make a second part to this story and turn it into a series I'll keep you posted!! The song that inspired this chapter title is Long Nights by Eddie Vedder. I highly recommend listening while reading.

The three weeks flew by and before Nicaise knew it they were stepping back onto a plane, Portland their destination. He could feel himself going numb, preparing for the inevitability that someone was going to fail him again. There was a spark of hope in him, the part that believed in his brother. In his Laurent, but at the moment it was dim.

Laurent took the middle seat this time and Nicaise took the window. He wanted to be able to watch himself leaving Europe, leaving salvation. He wanted to torture himself.

The ten hours all at once passed agonizingly slowly and all too quick. He was being rushed off the plane by Laurent to collect their luggage, as if their uncle could be on their heels at any moment. He was a state away however, and wouldn't get the news they weren't coming until the driver he sent to pick them up figured out they'd changed flights. His uncle was a fool for allowing them to take this vacation and Laurent was going to maximize on this mistake.

A Jeep Wrangler waited for them by the curb and a man who had a tan complexion similar to Damen stood arguing with a security officer.

"-been here for five minutes! They'll be out any seco- There! They're right there." The man said exasperated.

The officer huffed and stalked off, deciding to not give a ticket out, and the man ran to them, tackling Damen into a bear hug and picking up his 200 lb muscular frame without breaking a sweat.

"Nikandros!"

"Damen!"

They said by way of greeting. Once Damen was safe and sound back on the floor again Nikandros and Laurent just nodded to each other and they began to shove their luggage into the car.

"We've been bored to death without you Damen."

"Just Damen?" Laurent said liltingly.

"You too." Nikandros said under his breath, as if it pained him.

"This is Nicaise. Nicaise this is Nikandros." Damen introduced. "But we just call him Nik."

"Jord was losing his mind without you Laurent. And Jokaste will be happy to see Nicaise. She's been fawning over his Instagram for weeks."

Nicaise flushed at that but kept silent. Laurent noticed but just smiled at him, lips only, as if the smile was a secret and Laurent was trying to conceal it.

"Is everyone at the apartment?" Damen asked.

"Yea and it's spotless. You know how Jokaste is. If you ask her to house sit she's going to leave the place better than she found it."

"I don't care about the apartment, is Dutchess okay?" Damen said. Nicaise's eyes widened and he couldn't keep in the laugh. A man Damen's size should never say the name Dutchess seriously.

"Clearly you don't care about the apartment with the way you always leave it." Laurent chided, ignoring Nicaise's outburst.

"Damen your fucking fish is fine. If anything, the fuckers gotten fatter since you left. Jokaste and Jord adore it." Nik assured.

"It's the ugliest fish I've ever seen." Laurent commented offhandedly to Nicaise.

"Dutchess is not ugly! He's a gold fish those are common!"

"His eyes look like they're going to pop out of his head and he isn't even gold, he's black."

Damen just laughed under his beath and smiled at that.

"I'm gonna kill it." Nicaise announced.

Nik burst out laughing, almost swerving them out of the lane they were in. "Jesus Christ this kids a riot."

"Nicaise, no killing Damen's pets." Laurent said exasperatedly. "Yet." He added.

"Laurent!" Damen shouted, causing another bought of laughter to spill from Nikandros.

"Just because Dutchess isn't the cat you wanted doesn't mean he isn't important." Damen said. "I mean come on Laurent having a cat in our apartment would've been like me giving you a prized mare. Ridiculous and expensive."

"Why the name Dutchess?" Nicaise asked.

"Damen wanted an old Labrador and I said no." Laurent explained. "He was going to name her Dutchess."

"I want a cat."

The whole car went silent at Nicaise's words. Ten solid seconds passed in silence.

"Okay we'll go tomorrow." Was said by Damen at the same time as Laurents words of "I'll get you one tomorrow."

Nikandros laughed so hard he almost missed their exit from the freeway.

"This kid has you guys whipped."

"I'm not a kid."

"Right right." Nik agreed, still laughing.

By the time they pulled up to the apartment and parked all of their stomachs had that pleasant ache in them from laughing too hard. It was a good feeling and one Nicaise hadn't felt in a long time.

Upon entering the apartment Nicaise noticed one of two things.

The first being Dutchess, the goldfish, in a ridiculous aquarium tank on the kitchen counter. Jokaste was measuring food into its bowl, a look of serious concentration on her face.

The second being a grown man laying on the floor.

"Jord!" Damen greeted. The man jumped up and hugged Damen before moving to embrace Laurent. He looked a little sheepish to be caught pouting on the floor. 

"You guys have no idea how boring it is without Laurent's side comments." Jord said.

"Ah!" Jokaste completely bipassed Damen, who had his arms spread for a hug, and went to Nicaise.

"He's even cuter in person than on Instagram." At Damen's hurt expression Jokaste huffed. "Oh Jesus Damen stop looking like a kicked puppy." She quickly hugged him so he'd stop pouting.

"I don't even post that much." Nicaise snapped. "And I'm not cute." It was overwhelming him. How much they already adored him.

"Stop." Laurent reprimanded in French. He wasn't just talking about Nicaise snapping at Jokaste. He was talking about his endless self torture.

Nicaise stared into Laurent's eyes. Intense and burning.

"Do they do that often?" Nikandros asked Damen. "Because that's scary."

"All the time." Damen answered.

Jokaste moved in front of Nicaise.

"Okay kid. We don't have to start business right this second, but I'll be the one doing it, and the more you tell me the better I can build this case. S-"

"You just passed the bar."

"Yes." She said carefully.

"What makes you think you can win. He's a multimillionaire, stole my father's business right from under him after he died. You'd need photos to catch him. And I don't have those and neither does Laurent. Our uncle was cruel, not stupid. He has no evidence."

"Stupid enough to send you with Damen and I to France." Laurent said.

Nicaise deflated. Why did he take good things and ruin them? It's like he liked pain. He felt he deserved it.

Worthless.

"I have two victims, and a witness." Jokaste said.

"The doctor won't come forward." Nicaise countered.

"But Guion will." Laurent replied. "Because of Aimeric.

"Why wait?" Nicaise said, sitting gingerly on the couch. "Let's start now."

Jokaste looked worriedly at Laurent before turning to Nicaise.

"Okay, let's begin."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! As always comments and feedback are greatly appreciated.


	12. The Long Night part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello you guys. So I've this planned to the end now but I'm going to save the sappy notes for the next chapter. I know this isn't entirely how a case would be handled in the judicial system but honestly it's a fan fiction so I'm not going to do extensive research to get a completely accurate court case. That being said I did do a lot of research for some aspects of this chapter and I think you'll be able to tell which soon enough. 
> 
> PLEASE READ:
> 
> This chapter is very very heavy and graphic. I dont go too into detail but there are trigger warnings for: rape and past abuse and suicide/ suicidal thoughts. I want everyone to proceed into this chapter with caution and those things in mind. Granted Captive Prince is a heavy book so most of you know what to expect but it never hurts to warn. 
> 
> With that being said, I hope you enjoy reading this chapter and that you get as much fulfillment out of this fic as I have gotten writing it. A bonus fact/tidbit you might be interested in reading will be included at the end of this chapter in the notes.

As soon as they took Nicaise and Laurent to the station to make a statement and begin the investigation it was smothered by their uncle. Nothing in the news or papers. It was simply hush hush, as expected. Their uncle was to be detained but he had wormed his way out of it through the confusion of state laws. He was in Washington while Laurent and Nicaise were in Oregon. Two separate police units.

Their uncle also didn't want witnesses.

Laurent did.

He wanted an audience.

It would put heavy strain on he and Nicaise's backs, having the world judge them, doubt them, but the DeVere brothers were used to strain.

Jokaste began building her case. The court decided in their favor that Nicaise should stay with Laurent for the time being and not in the foster system. Everything in their lives became aiming for court dates as soon as possible and getting their witness on a stand. Everything leading up to a crescendo.

Nicaise hated it. But he also reveled in it.

This was his shot. He and Laurent's one and only shot. He would never truly be safe with Laurent and Damen until their uncle was away for good behind bars.

Sure, he would develop and age out of the perverted image that his uncle preferred, by that didn't mean he would ever let them live in peace. And who is to say their uncle wouldn't target other boys.

They would sit on the couch, their new home essentially for the past few weeks as Jokaste took every little detail from Laurent and Nicaise's childhood and nitpicked it for evidence.

It was a very personal process and sometimes Jord, Damen and Nikandros were kicked out of the apartment to the coffee shop down the street. Nicaise and Laurent never kicked each other out however. It's like each of them we're willing themselves through the other brother's statements. Letting themselves feel the blame and the shame. Laurent for not being there in time for Nicaise. Nicaise for not understanding fully just how much Laurent had endured before him.

It was pain, but it was healing. Jokaste and her notepad almost disappeared entirely as the brothers talked solely to each other about what happened to them in the nights.

Laurent talked about how Auguste would be out with friends or running track and field late in the evenings and nights. How their uncle would use this time to completely rule Laurent's life.

Laurent talked about how their uncle ruined his favorite book because at the time Laurent was re reading his favorite scene, and their uncle had come in to take his pleasure and Laurent could never look at the book the same again because the cover had stared up at him from the floor as he was shoved into the mattress.

Nicaise talked about how their uncle wouldn't allow him to leave the house. How school was barely even a priority. How he barely passed his classes because he never had time for homework because he was spending that time in the monsters bed.

Nicaise talked about how their uncle became so nonchalant in his abuse by that time. So sure he or Laurent wouldn't say a thing. He would answer phone calls while in bed with Nicaise. Business calls. Any type of calls. As if Nicaise's pain and anguish wasn't even enough to warrant privacy and silence.

Tissues were kept on the coffee table but neither brother used them, instead they found strength in their words and each other.

They lifted each other.

"So strong mon sapphir." Laurent would whisper into Nicaise's brown locks.

"You gleam like Auguste." Nicaise would assure, even though he could barely remember his image now. He knew if Auguste could see Laurent he would be proud.

Pride over the other poured out of the boys' hearts like liquid gold and it flowed hot and molten to ease the icy words and chill that came out of them over the pain of their past.

Jokaste could only watch in awe and write notes about dates and occurrences that she thought would help them most.

The crescendo.

It was all leading to a crescendo.

Damen would stand and testify alongside Laurent and Nicaise. He'd lend his insight.

Everything was falling into place and yet it still seemed that they were in a mad dash for time.

For about as much time as they spent holed up in the apartment talking about the past, they also spent outside doing fun activities to clear their minds.

That's where they sat now.

The park was quiet around them and the heat of the day was cooling into a nice summer night as the sun began to set.

Jokaste had brought a nice picnic and a blanket they all piled onto. Laurent lay partially on Damen as they lounged and picked at the remaining grapes. Jord and Nikandros were arguing over the newest superhero movies. Whether or not D.C. or Marvel was making a better comeback. From the way Jord was waving his hands it seemed he would go down for D.C. Jokaste just laughed and then showed them how both were incomparable while finishing off her sandwich.

Nicaise watched them, so much older than him, and he sighed contentedly. No one talked about how the court date was tomorrow. No one talked about how Nicaise's future rested on their shoulders.

They simply just existed, which was all Nicaise had wanted from the start.

-

The trial had been going in circles for two hours. Jokaste was throwing out facts and dates but their uncles lawyer was good. The best money could buy. When it came time to call witnesses Jokaste called up Guion, but their uncle looked unperturbed.

Nicaise tried to not let the tears that were gathering in his eyes spill over.

He and Laurent's past slew about the court room, their bodies talked about as if they weren't theirs. Their names dragged through the mud with no regard that Nicaise was still a child.

They were losing.

Nicaise hadn't told anyone about the knife that was now seeming to burn a hole in his pants. It wasn't that hard to sneak it in, sadly.

He told Laurent he wasn't going back to his uncle.

He told him.

He just wished things had turned out differently.

When Guion started going off the books, not saying what he and Jokaste had rehearsed, it almost seemed like god was toying with them. Laurent's eyes were dead but he was laughing bitterly into his lap and Damen stared on, horrified.

Their plan was crumbling and not even the threat of Aimeric's life was keeping Guion from spewing lies.

Maybe their uncle assured Guion they would get a good lawyer for Aimeric and all would be well. Maybe they misstepped. But it honestly shouldn't be this easy to get away with child rape in the year 2017. The justice system was so flawed to favor those with enough money and pomp.

Jokaste was losing her composure now, so unused to losing. But Laurent and Nicaise were used to losing. And they were so so tired of it.

All Nicaise was waiting for was the judge to pronounce their uncle not guilty. When that happened he'd end it. He would put that knife to use. He slid his mask into place, all the cracks and fissures threatening to break the mask completely, for good. 

He'd researched extensively how to slit his own throat. How he'd need two cuts on either side. How people said it was the most painful way to kill yourself. How no matter how well you aimed for your artery and jugular that you'd still bleed out for a few minutes.

He also read how much courage it would take to do that to yourself.

He didn't want to glorify it. But he wanted to make it a show. He wanted the whole world to know how the justice system had failed in allowing him a knife, how it had failed in protecting he and Laurent. How it had failed to do the one thing it promised to do: bring justice.

He wasn't ready to go, he was only 14. His voice hadn't begun changing yet. Laurent said all the boys in their family had been late bloomers. He could still hit the high notes when they all sang in Nikandros' Jeep Wrangler on the way to McDonald's.

He wasn't ready to go but he was ready for this whole ordeal to be over. They'd lost and he wanted everyone to feel his pain.

Everything halted when Jokaste said 8 words.

"I'd like to call up one more witness."

Laurent stilled and Damen's mouth hung open. Nicaise's heart stopped along with his hand that had begun reaching into his waistband for the knife.

Guion's wife slowly walked up to the witness stand from where she'd been sitting quietly next to her husband the whole trial.

"I'm Guion's wife." She began slowly. "We live in the house next to the DeVere mansion. I would see Nicaise leaving the house with bruises when I was washing the dishes. Our kitchen window has a view of their front lawn. My music room upstairs, the window looks right over to Nicaise's bedroom window. I'd see him at night on the roof sometimes. He was always banged up but no one ever mentioned anything.

I knew my husband was hiding parts of his business from us. But I never knew the extent. When he offered our son, Aimeric, a position at the company he works for, I knew I had to draw the line. I'm doing this because it's right, but I'm also doing this because I want to save my son. Aimeric deserves a chance. I'd like to present the medical records of Laurent DeVere that my husband stole from doctor Dr. Paschal. He threatened Dr. Paschal that he would have his brother killed if he said a word. I have those medical records today if the judge would like to view them."

The courtroom erupted and everyone began screaming.

-

Guilty. 

-

Outlasted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thank you for reading. Comments and feedback are always welcome and greatly appreciated. As for the fact/tidbit about this chapter, I hadn't decided on whether or not this was going to end happy until I literally got the point that Guion's wife stepped up to the witness stand. I had no idea just like you guys, whether Nicaise was going to make it out of this alive. When I set out to write this fic, I planned on giving Nicaise's story fulfillment and I planned on giving him the ending he always deserved. Because we all know in the end he was the one who deserved better. As time went on however and this fic developed I began to write a bitter story about how hard recovering is and how the world can be so cruel and unfair. As I was writing this last chapter however and as I wrestled with the idea that maybe not all endings are happy, I thought back to that first chapter I wrote. I thought about how I had been in an airport chair on my way home from France. And I thought about how the reason I had begun to write this fic was because I wanted to give Nicaise the story he never got. The story he deserved. So thank you guys. The notes on the next chapter are supposed to be the sappy ones but I feel it's only fitting I end this chapter like this, telling you a piece of the story that went behind writing this fic.


	13. Epilogue: lullaby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow so this has been a journey. I am so grateful for all your guys' comments and kudos and hits on this story. It means a lot and it was quite the journey. Lullaby by Low is the inspiration song for this chapter and I would love if you'd listen to it while you read. The singers voice makes me think of Erasmus. This will turn into a series so stay tuned. Thank you thank you thank you.

A lifetime sentence without bail.

That was their uncles fate.

Word on the streets was that if your cell mates found out you were in prison for raping children, your life became hell on earth.

Guion lost his job and the company passed on to Laurent. He sold it to the highest bidder and cut his ties. His father's line ended with him. A bureaucratic empire or this. Laurent chose this.

Nicaise had bought the prettiest cat in the animal shelter and deemed it Jon Snow just because it was white and he announced Jon Snow was hot.

They sat in Nikandros' jeep watching the sun set. They'd taken a roadtrip to the ocean and despite the cold everyone was in good spirits. It was all for Nicaise's birthday. He'd made it to fifteen.

It was quite a tight fit in the backseat for four people but they were making it work. Nicaise was currently standing in the middle and the jeeps top was off.

"The sunset is beautiful." Jord commented.

"Lovely," Jokaste said.

The silence swirled around them, mixing with the cool air into something tangible.

Nicaise wasn't wearing his mask. He didn't think he'd have to ever again. It was broken anyway, trying to make way for the new him.

He felt reborn. Like a Phoenix.

'And he rises up out of the ashes and spreads his red wings of fire and heat and he smolders everything in his path with embers of grace and smoke.'

He smiled as the last glimpse of the sun began to fall beneath the line of the ocean.

"Can I chose the song?" Nicaise asked.

"It was my turn technically." Laurent said monotonously. A quick glance at his face however showed a ever so slightly quirked lip, which meant Nicaise would most likely get his way.

"But why not?" He pushed.

"Give me a convincing argument." Laurent said. Testing him.

"I feel infinite."

The whole car went silent and the waves crashed in the distance.

Laurent passed over the aux cord wordlessly and Nicaise knew which song he wanted. It seemed like a sad song to many, and to Nicaise it often was, but the voice of the singer was something he thoroughly enjoyed. Not to mention, the lyrics were about not being sad in a way.

He deemed it his new theme song to his life, announced that triumphantly to the car, and then played Lullaby by Low.

The whole song felt like a journey of some sorts and Nicaise couldn't help but feel this was the end. Not the end of his journey, but the end of this chapter of sorts. Like he was closing the book on his uncle.

The stars began to come out over head and a sort of spell fell around them. The waves crashing in the distance. Crash crash crash.

"Well, we saw the ocean. Now what?" Nikandros asked.

"Now, we live." Nicaise answered. He wanted to live. So that's what they were going to do. They were going to live.

All he could think was one thing: outlasted. He'd made it to fifteen and the world would see if his beauty would outlast his boyhood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and, as always, comments and feedback is always welcome.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! As always feedback is always welcome.


End file.
